


The Revival of Kurt Hummel

by gleefulmusings



Category: Glee, The Good Wife (TV)
Genre: Comedy, Divorce, Family, Family Drama, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-02
Updated: 2016-12-05
Packaged: 2018-04-29 13:11:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 24,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5128841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gleefulmusings/pseuds/gleefulmusings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurt Hudson is facing his forties, a looming divorce, raising his four children on his own, and becoming a grandfather. To accomplish this, he must become the man he had forgotten how to be: Kurt Hummel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Art of Letting Go

Kurt Hudson studied the cheerful banality of the office with scant interest, trying to avoid thinking about what had brought him here in the first place. How had he sunk so low?

Oh, right. His husband.

He had given up trying to control his children. His eldest son Asher was glaring down at the floor, headphones stuck deeply in his ears, refusing to make eye contact with anyone. His eldest daughter Chloe had positioned herself away from him, legs and arms defensively crossed as she muttered under her breath. They were typical teenagers resentful of everything, but especially their family.

The twins, Poppy and Ronan, were reading and coloring respectively. He sent a soft smile their way. He hadn't planned for them, content with the two he already had, but he had been talked into it and was now so grateful he had taken the chance. Lately they had been keeping him sane in the midst of the craziness of … whatever this was.

It wasn't supposed to be like this.

He had worked so hard for this life, for this family. This was the time he should be seeing rewards for all of his efforts; instead, it was collapsing all around him and no one but him appeared to care.

But he was determined it would improve. He would work harder, smarter. He would fix the problems and everything would go back to normal.

The only difficulty was … lately he had been coming to realize that normal really hadn't been all that normal. These problems weren't new; they had always existed. He had spent so much time, well, not really _ignoring_ them, but trying to focus on the good things. And there were a lot of good things.

But cracks in a foundation always led to disaster eventually, which led to him being in this office.

Court-mandated therapy.

It was mortifying. He wondered when he had stopped trying to lead by example in favor of struggling to keep his head above water. He felt in he had been running in place forever and had nothing to show for it, like a hamster on a wheel. Except his hamster had died.

He was so angry. He was angry at himself, at Finn, at the kids. He was angry at being here, at the reasons a judge had decided it necessary, at having outsiders dictate his behavior. He was angry at the friends talking behind his back while giving him pitying looks. He was angry at the people who had known but never said anything, convinced it was easier for him when it was, in fact, easier for _them_.

He exhaled and glanced down at his watch.

Twenty minutes. Finn was _twenty minutes late_ for their _court-ordered family counseling_.

Kurt had reached his limit. He was through with all of this. It was definitely time to take control.

But maybe it was too late. He had surrendered so much in the first place, but he still couldn't deem his marriage a failure.

He and Finn had made it twenty years, plus four of dating, which was twenty years longer than anyone else had expected. Sure, they'd both had to make sacrifices along the way, but wasn't it worth it? They had a nice life, a nice house, and four beautiful children. Shouldn't he take more comfort in that?

Of course, he told himself, and he was going to start today. Nothing had happened which couldn't be made better.

He didn't realize he had said the words aloud.

"What?" demanded an icy Chloe.

"Nothing has happened?" repeated an incredulous Asher.

Finn chose that precise moment to throw open the door and bound inside. Forty years old and he still behaved as a hyperactive puppy.

"Hey! Sorry I'm late."

Kurt looked him over with a critical eye. Polo, chinos, and a slight sunburn on his nose.

Immediately a red veil settled over his eyes.

"Golf," he hissed. "You're late for this because you went _golfing_?"

Finn flushed in embarrassment and couldn't meet Kurt's eyes.

A disgusted Asher threw up his hands. "Way to go, Dad. Putting us first like always."

"Leave him alone!" Chloe shrieked. "It's not his fault we're in this situation!"

"Oh, right on time, princess," he drawled. "Dad can do no wrong and everything is Daddy's fault."

She sniffed and looked away. "Well, maybe if Daddy hadn't …"

Kurt felt tears spring to his eyes without warning.

"Chloe, that's enough!" Finn barked. "Your father didn't do anything wrong. He's not responsible for this situation."

She rolled her eyes. "Sure, Dad. Like we all haven't heard your fights. He's the one who drove you into Rachel's arms!"

"You bitch," Asher seethed, springing up and running up behind Kurt, resting his hands on his father's shoulders and gently massaging them.

"Honey, please don't call your sister such names," Kurt murmured.

Chloe sneered. "Always so worried about the family image."

"I'm warning you, little girl," Finn said softly, but with steel in his voice, "if I hear you speak to your father again with such disrespect, you and I are going to have a problem."

She flushed and turned away.

"Family image," Kurt quietly repeated, staring at her. "You honestly think I'm worried about our family image? I've devoted my entire life to this family, Chloe. I've spent the last twenty-five years loving and supporting your father and raising you children. I gave up my career, what little family I have left, most of my friends, my _name_ , and quite a lot of my dignity to create what I believed was a happy life."

And that was when he knew it was over. His marriage, his perfect family, his dreams. It was gone.

He took a ragged breath. "Only to come to realize I've failed in every respect."

He covered his face with a hand and fell silent.

"Why do you always make Daddy cry?" Poppy asked of her elder sister. "Don't you like him anymore?"

Chloe's face and eyes burned with shame.

"You haven't failed," Finn whispered.

"Of course I have," Kurt said without inflection. "You threw away a twenty year marriage for a woman who has hated me for most of our lives and still dresses her teddy bears in doll clothes. One of my daughters thinks everything I do is wrong, my son feels he has to defend me at every turn, and my youngest are starting to ask questions for which I hoped never to have answers."

"You blew it, Dad!" Asher shouted at Finn. "You blew it for all of us!"

Finn sighed and sank down into a chair. "I know."

Asher appeared bewildered.

Chloe was staring at her father in confusion. "What do you mean Rachel has hated you most of your lives? She's only been around six months."

Kurt looked placidly at Finn and held up his hands. He wasn't taking responsibility for this.

A nervous Finn fidgeted. "We went to high school with Rachel, sweetheart. She and I dated before I began dating Daddy."

Chloe scoffed. "So he stole you from her and now she's stolen you back. How very _Lion King_. Let's all join hands and sing _Circle of Life_."

"Do you really believe I would do that, Chloe?" asked a hurt Kurt.

She said nothing.

"Chloe," Finn warned, "I've had enough of your mouth, so kindly shut it before I sew your lips together."

"You can't sew."

"Yes, I can. Your father taught me."

"I guess you can teach an old dog new tricks," Asher said.

"Arf. Chloe, I didn't start seeing Daddy until long after Rachel and I had broken up." He swallowed and stared down at the floor. "I was, uh, actually with Daddy before Rachel."

"Wait," Asher said, holding up a hand. "So you cheated on Daddy in high school, he forgave you and took you back, and then twenty years later you cheated _again_ with the same woman?" He turned toward the therapist who, up until this time, had been mute. "I hope you called for backup."

The therapist remained silent, surprised only that these people were essentially doing her job for her.

Chloe was obviously struggling with how to assimilate this information with everything she had believed to be true. Had she really misjudged the situation, her fathers, so badly?

"High school was a very confusing time, kiddo," Kurt said to Asher. "We all made a lot of mistakes."

"And some shouldn't have been repeated," Asher shot back.

"Did you ever love him?" Chloe whispered to Finn.

"Of course I loved your father," Finn said. "I've always loved him and always will. We're just … we're not the same people we were then."

Kurt felt this was very unfair. "I didn't change, Finn. You did."

Finn reared back in shock. "You haven't changed? Kurt, you're nothing like the man I married."

"Maybe you're right," Kurt snapped, "and maybe you haven't changed at all. You're still the same selfish, spoiled brat who thinks the world should revolve around him."

"You were going to be a doctor, Kurt," Finn argued. "You were going to save the world. You had so much ambition, such potential. You had a _spark_. When was the last time you sang, Kurt? Do you even remember? Because I don't. There was no _limit_ to what you could do and I couldn't wait to see what that was." He snorted. "And what did you do? You went _shopping_."

Kurt's eyes flared with indignation. "Excuse me. I went shopping to furnish your _perfect_ house, to build your _perfect_ image. You think I've changed, Finn? What about you? I worked eighteen hour shifts to put you through law school so you could make a difference in the world! And for what? So you could stand in front of a green screen and read – _barely_ – from cue cards that which anyone could discern just by looking out a window!"

"I'm a meteorologist!"

"You're a weathergirl!"

"I have three Emmys and the highest ratings in the state!"

"Well, you get an F from me. Take your pick as to just what it stands for."

"At least I have a job."

"You didn't want me to work, Finn!" Kurt bellowed. "Remember? You pressured me to have children and when I was finally ready, when I wanted them more than anything I have ever wanted in my life, you only agreed if they had at least one parent staying home with them. And you made it clear it wasn't going to be you. You didn't want to have latchkey kids like we had been. Oh, and newsflash: I wasn't going to _become_ a doctor. I _am_ a doctor."

"You are?" Ronan said in wonder as he stared up at his father.

Kurt smiled. "Yes, baby, I am."

"Wow."

"Kids, get your things."

"I'm going to live with Dad," Chloe said.

Kurt jumped to his feet. "You're going to pick up that ridiculously overpriced tote bag you call a purse and follow me out to the car. If I hear anymore backtalk from you, I'm taking your laptop, your phone, and every designer label in your room. Those things are all in my name, sweetie, not yours, so you want to be _very_ careful how you speak to me."

She grudgingly picked up her bag and shrugged on her coat.

"You win, Finn," Kurt said. "You can have your divorce. I'm not going to fight you any more. I've spent my entire life fighting for you and never once have you returned the favor. I hope you're happy with Rachel. I really mean that. I'm only sorry I could never make you happy."

"You did make me happy, Kurty," Finn whispered.

"Yet you're marrying her."

The children looked at their fathers and then at each other.

Asher was appalled. "You're _marrying_ that … that …"

"Watch your mouth, Asher," Kurt snapped.

"I have to," Finn whispered.

Kurt scoffed. "What do you mean you have to marry her? You don't _have_ to marry anyone, not unless you were a complete moron and went off and," he gasped as realization set in, "and …"

Finn cringed. "I'm so sorry, baby."

Kurt stared blankly at the wall before him. "Oh, my god."

"What's going on?" Ronan asked.

"Rachel is pregnant, you idiot!" Chloe said.

"Hey!" Poppy screamed as she scrambled to her feet and pulled her twin against her. "Don't call him names! How were we supposed to know?"

"Rachel is pregnant?" Ronan repeated. "But I thought it was Lila who's pregnant."

Asher covered his face with his hands.

"Who's Lila?" the therapist asked.

Chloe smirked. "Asher's girlfriend. I guess the fruit doesn't fall far from the tree."

"Shut up, Mouth," Asher hissed, "and Ronan doesn't know what he's talking about."

Ronan frowned. "Yes, I do. You left the pregnancy test in the trashcan."

Asher cringed.

"All right, that's it," Kurt said. "Let's go. We'll talk about this later at home. After dinner and a stop at the liquor store." He turned toward the therapist and raised a brow. "If that's alright with you?"

She blinked. "If anyone's earned it, you have."

Kurt nodded and swept the children from the room. Before crossing the threshold, he looked over his shoulder at his husband. "I really do want you to be happy, Finn, because after all of this, someone should be."

He left.

Finn collapsed back into his chair, putting his head in his hands.

The therapist stared at him for several long moments.

"I hope this Rachel is good in bed, because you just threw away one hell of a man."

* * *

After dinner, the twins had gone upstairs to start their homework and Chloe had locked herself in her room, nattering on to one of her friends about some stupid actor's unfortunate haircut rather than dealing with reality.

Asher stood next to his father, drying the dishes after Kurt washed them.

"What's going to happen now?" he quietly asked.

"Dad and I are going to file for divorce, baby." He closed his eyes. "I'm so sorry I failed you."

"You didn't fail anyone, Daddy!" Asher protested. "I know how hard you've tried. I've seen how unhappy you've been."

Kurt sadly shook his head. "Then I did fail, because I should have protected you from seeing that. My problems are just that: mine. Not yours."

"We're a family," Asher protested. "We're supposed to be there for each other no matter what."

Kurt turned off the faucet and dried his hands before turning and cupping Asher's face. "One of my biggest regrets in this life is that I've allowed you to assume so much responsibility. It doesn't matter that you're the eldest, I'm the parent. It is not your job to protect me."

Asher opened his mouth and then just as abruptly closed it with an audible lack of teeth.

Kurt's hands moved down to his son's shoulders. "Say what you were going to say. I never want you to be afraid to tell me things, kiddo. I don't want our relationship to be what mine was with my father."

"You and Grandpa get along great!"

"We do," Kurt agreed, "now, but that took a lot of effort and tears on both our parts. For a long time, I was scared to say to him how I felt and what I wanted. After Mom died, I was terrified I'd lose him too, either to death or because I did something he didn't like."

Asher frowned. "You know that's crazy, right? All Grandpa ever talks about is how awesome you were as a kid, how proud you made him."

Kurt gave his son a sad smile. "But he never told me that. We didn't talk much, not about the things that matter, and we let fear and resentment come between us for a very long time. Now, what were you going to say?"

Asher looked down. "If I don't fight for you, Daddy, if I don't protect you, who will?" He shook his head. "Because you don't protect yourself."

"What do you mean, honey?" Kurt asked, stroking the apple of Asher's cheek.

Asher heaved a sigh of frustration. "Dad hasn't been good you to in a long time. I've heard the things he's said. We all have. You should have dumped him the minute you found about Rachel. I don't know why you put up with that, why you tried to make it work, especially since now I know this wasn't the first time."

"I won't talk about this with you, Asher. My relationship with your father is none of your business."

"Okay, but how about the way Chloe talks to you? Why do you let her get away with that? You've given her everything she's ever wanted. She's smart, beautiful, popular. Why does she act the way she does?"

Kurt sighed and began putting the dishes away. "It's always been hard for her, sweetheart. You know she's always been uncomfortable being adopted."

Asher rolled his eyes. "We're all adopted, Daddy. So what? You gave us homes, gave us _lives_. You've been there for us every step of the way. What more does she want?"

Kurt exhaled. "She's always felt very excluded because she doesn't look like Finn or me. She's always felt like the odd person out."

"Oh, come on! Daddy, none of us look like you or Dad, but she looks more like she could be your biological child than the twins or I do. We've never resented that or her. Where does she get off being such a drama queen?"

"I think part of it is that she was the baby for a very long time, Asher. She was the apple of all our eyes, including yours. Then then twins came and they required a lot of attention."

"She wasn't neglected."

"No, she wasn't, but I think she became very insecure. I think she worried that your father and I would continue adding to the family and she'd get lost in the shuffle." He guided them over to the breakfast table, smiling as they sat down. "The first time I held you in my arms, baby, I knew what it was to love someone more than my own life."

Asher blushed.

"People say that all the time as if it's a given, but it's not. I was terrified to be a father. I honestly believed I wouldn't be very good at it. It took your Dad a very long time to convince me I would be."

"And you're the best," Asher whispered.

Kurt smiled and patted his son's hand. "I was a lot like Chloe when I was her age, consumed more with things than people, constantly worried about my reputation and what people said and thought about me. I loved your father with everything inside of me, but … I'm not sure I ever trusted him completely."

"Because of Rachel?"

Kurt nodded. "Her, and other things. Your grandmother died when I was very young and that greatly influenced who I became. I didn't trust anyone, Asher, not even my own father. I was always afraid of saying the wrong thing, of doing the wrong thing, scared he would leave."

He shook his head. "It was completely irrational. My father loves me more than he does his own life but, again, we never communicated well when I was growing up and I became a very anxious and withdrawn child. It took a long time for me to grow out of that, and a lot of that is down to your father. Don't ever believe we didn't love each other, honey. What he said today in that office is true: he's always loved me and always will. I've never doubted that."

He sighed. "But I know how difficult it's been for him being married to me. I forgave him for Rachel the first time, but I don't think he ever really believed that. He overcompensated for years, to the point that he almost suffocated me with his desire to prove that he was worthy of me. That was hard for me, too. There's nothing more difficult than trying to convince someone you love them when, deep down, they don't believe that you should."

Asher ducked his head and nodded, provided more insight into this fathers these last twenty minutes than in all of his life. He bit his lip. "He did want us, though, didn't he?"

"Oh, baby, of course he did. Don't ever question that. Finn has always wanted children, a lot of them, ever since he was a child. If it were up to him, we'd have at least four more. He loved you when you were just an idea. Being a father is the greatest joy of his life."

Asher blushed but became sullen. "Yeah, but now he'll have a kid of his own."

"Which doesn't mean he'll love you any less," Kurt sharply countered. "The fact that this new baby will be his biological child means nothing. It certainly doesn't negate or change the love he has for you and your brother and sisters. I could say a lot of things about Finn Hudson, Asher, and I certainly have over the years, but he has always been an incredible father."

Asher's blush deepened as he nodded. "You think that's part of the reason Chloe is so upset?"

"Absolutely. Until the twins came, it was very cut and dry for her. You were my baby and she was Finn's."

"That's not true."

Kurt gave him a sly smile. "It's just us now, sweet boy. You know it's true. I love all of my children equally, but you and I have always been closest to one another, just as Chloe has with Finn." He leaned in. "From the first moment I looked into your eyes, you were mine. You couldn't have been any more my child than if I had given birth to you myself."

He blinked. "In some alternate universe where men can get pregnant, of course."

Asher laughed. "Remind me to introduce you to fanfiction sometime."

Kurt arched a brow. "Really? How old do you think I am? I know what fanfiction is. I've read it. I've _written_ it."

Asher frowned. "I'm not sure how I feel about that."

Kurt snickered.

"I want to stay with you," Asher said suddenly.

"And you will," Kurt assured him. "For one, the house is mine. Your father and I have a prenuptial agreement and he knows he'll have to honor it. Second, I will retain physical custody and Finn has unlimited visitation."

Asher's brows gathered. "I thought you only decided today to give him the divorce."

Kurt blew out a breath. "Baby, I meant it when I said I never trusted easily. When your father and I got married, I insisted on a prenuptial agreement. I had so many friends whose parents divorced when I was young. I saw what they went through, how it affected their children. I never wanted that for myself or my own children. Your dad was in full support and signed it without reservation."

Asher was skeptical. "Really?"

"Yes, _really_ , and when we started planning to adopt you, we gave serious consideration as to what would happen if we were to divorce. It was an ugly but necessary thing. Finn always felt, though I disagreed, that while he would be a good father, he wouldn't make a good single father. He's always believed I'm much stronger than he is, which I'm also not sure is true.

"Regardless, we made arrangements. If we were ever to divorce, I would get physical custody and he could see you, and then the other children after we adopted them, whenever he wanted for as much time as he wanted. Holidays and vacations would be split.

"Since the house was in my name, I would keep it and we would stay here so that you and your brother and sisters wouldn't feel you were losing even more of your lives. We wanted you to have that stability. Your father and I have always kept our finances separate. We wanted to be together forever, but remain independent."

Asher refrained from pointing out that forever had apparently come. "Daddy, not to be rude, but what finances do you have? You stopped practicing before you and Dad got me. He's always been the breadwinner. I mean, I know you worked to put him through school, but …"

"I have a lot of money, Asher," Kurt said quietly. "You know Grandpa had a very successful chain of repair shops before he retired, but my mother came from money. I inherited all of it after she died."

Asher's brow furrowed as he tried to correlate this information with what he thought he had known, but wasn't quite able to put it all together.

"You can ask," Kurt encouraged.

"Um, okay, well … how much?"

Kurt gave him a wry grin. "I haven't checked the market today, but right now? I'd say roughly …"

Asher blanked completely when he heard the number.

"I don't want you to worry about anything, honey. The house is paid for. The cars are paid for. We aren't hurting for money. You will go to college, and professional school if you want. I don't have to work, but I think I probably should. I need to get out of this house and back into the world."

Asher nodded robotically.

Kurt laid his hand on his son's own. "Are you okay?"

"I guess … I guess some small part of me always worried, especially after the twins. It was selfish, I know, but I wondered how you could afford two more kids because that meant two more cars eventually and two more college tuitions. Would you be able to keep all of us? What if you had to send one of us back? And it would probably be me because I'm the oldest. And there are doctors and tutors and lessons and _food_ and …"

"I am so sorry you ever worried about that. If I had known, believe me, I would have set your mind at ease. So, _please_ , stop worrying. We're going to be fine. You're going to be fine." He paused. "Your baby is going to be fine."

Asher inhaled sharply before his face collapsed in a broken sob. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, Daddy."

"You don't have to be sorry. You never have to be sorry for wanting your child." He raised a brow. "And I know you, Asher Hudson. You want the baby, yes?"

"Yeah, of course."

"And Lila does, as well?"

"She says she does, but …"

"But what?" Kurt prompted.

"Her parents …"

"What about them?" he demanded.

"They don't want her to have the baby. They said if she does, they'll throw her out."

Kurt immediately stood and stalked to the counter, grabbing his keys. "Let's go."


	2. Reformulations

Asher looked around his bedroom, still somewhat surprised this was actually happening and grateful once more for his father. He was also terrified out of his mind.

A baby. He was going to have a baby, an actual _baby_ , and not like that stupid doll thing in health class last year.

Wow, he looked back on that now, about how smug he had been for acing the assignment, and wanted to punch himself in the face. He remembered Daddy being proud of him for taking it seriously, but it's not like anything he learned was really going to help him now.

He inadvertently caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror, startled by how pale and thin he looked. How young. How many times had he moaned about wanting to grow up, to be an adult? Stupid. It was so stupid. _He_ was so _stupid_.

Up until this point, his life had been pretty awesome. He might not have been too fond of his Dad right now, but he had two great parents who loved him and thought he had hung the moon. He didn't really look like either one of them, though he supposed he was built more like Dad. He was already taller than Daddy, had a pretty good body thanks to football, and was considered one of the best looking kids in the class.

His hair was inky black and curly, so dark it appeared in the sun as though he had violet highlights. He had olive skin and large, clear eyes the color of spring grass. He didn't really know too much about his birth parents other than that they had been Mediterranean and wanted a better life for him than they would have been able to provide.

Unlike Chloe, he never gave his biological parents much thought. He knew he had been surrendered shortly after birth and placed in an orphanage, which was where his fathers had found him. It didn't matter to him that his birth parents had given him away; that his fathers had chosen him was much more important.

He had always felt loved and wanted, chosen. His parents had given him everything they ever had and more. Up until fairly recently, his life had been pretty sweet. He was handsome, popular, smart – though not smarter than Daddy; he was pretty sure no one was – and had a lot of friends.

He knew that would change. He wasn't blind to the politics of high school. He had experienced some prejudice for having two fathers. There were people who assumed he was gay because his fathers were. It had never bothered him. There was nothing wrong with being gay. Sometimes he wished he was, because girls could be crazy.

Dad had never called himself gay or bisexual, and now Asher wondered if he should have seen that as a red flag. Growing up, he'd never had any doubts that Dad loved Daddy. He used to get so embarrassed when he would see them making out or holding hands in public, but because they were his _parents_ , not because they were two dudes.

Dad used to look at Daddy with such love in his eyes, as though he couldn't believe how lucky he was that Daddy had said yes to spending their lives together. He'd give anything to see that now.

How had it happened? How had Dad gone from loving Daddy _so much_ to cheating on him and making a baby with … he didn't even want to think of her name. What kind of person was she, that she stole a man away from his husband and children?

He had always been closer to Daddy, yeah, but that didn't mean he loved Dad any less. He was so hurt. Daddy was so _hurt_ and that just made it so much worse. He knew how much Daddy had given up to be with Dad. His career – being a doctor was a _huge_ deal – and his name. He knew that couldn't have been easy. He was the only Hummel left, but he had agreed to take Dad's name, to give their kids Dad's name.

Asher knew Grandpa was still sore about that. He wondered if Daddy regretted it now.

Daddy must have regretted so many things.

He never knew Daddy sang until Dad had mentioned it in the therapist's office that afternoon. From the way he said it, it sounded as though singing had been a big deal for Daddy. Dad sang all the time, all these old, lame rock songs. He vaguely remembered Daddy singing him lullabies at night, but he didn't think that was what Dad had been talking about.

He'd never heard of Rachel Berry before Dad had been found out.

Asher knew Daddy's other friends from high school: Aunt Santana, Aunt Brittany, Aunt Quinn, Aunt Mercedes, Aunt Tina and Uncle Mike, Uncle Puck, and Uncle Artie. Sometimes when they told him stories about Daddy, he couldn't believe they were the same person. Apparently Daddy used to be really into fashion and was the captain of the cheer squad and had even played football.

Nothing about Rachel. Nothing about singing.

What else didn't he know?

How was he going to do this? How was he going to be a father? A _good_ one?

"I'll never be as good as you," he whispered.

Kurt turned around, eyes wide with surprise. "That's ridiculous. First of all, it's not a competition. Second, you will be a very good father."

"How? I'm only seventeen, Daddy."

Kurt shook his head, smiling, and opened his arms. "Come here."

Asher flew across the room and all but tackled his father with a hug. It still surprised him how physically strong Daddy was. He looked so delicate, kind of scrawny, but he was _strong_. His Daddy was the strongest person he knew.

He was also a little embarrassed by just how much he needed a hug right now, how much he wanted to crawl into Daddy's lap and whine and sob, to let Daddy fix everything because he always had.

But he also knew it was his turn to be the strong one. He had to be strong for his baby.

Kurt smoothed the back of his son's head. "Asher, I know this is hard and I'm sure you're terrified, but I'm going to be there for you and Lila every step of the way. We all are, including Dad. No, the circumstances aren't ideal, but they never are when children are concerned." He laughed. "Honey, if everyone waited until they were absolutely, positively _ready_ to have children, humanity would have died out a very long time ago."

"Why aren't you mad at me?" Asher asked.

Kurt sighed. "Because being angry about something that already happened doesn't solve anything, nor does it help the situation." He turned and waved Lila over, frowning when she skittered toward him. "I know you both. I love you both. I know you're responsible people. I believe you when you told me you took precautions."

He shook his head. "Condoms break. It doesn't happen often, but it does happen. I refuse to be angry about something over which you had no control."

Lila Forrester thanked every deity she could remember for Kurt Hudson.

"Are you sure you want me here?" she whispered. "It's a lot to ask."

"You didn't ask. I offered and there's no place I'd rather you be than here. Now, I want you both to sit down."

They dutifully sat on Asher's bed.

"There's a lot we need to talk about and I need both of you to be completely honest, alright?"

They nodded.

"Are you sure you want to do this? As you said, Asher, you're only seventeen and this is a huge undertaking. If you want to terminate the pregnancy, I'll support you. If you want to give the baby up for adoption, I'll support you. And if you want to keep the baby, I'll support you."

Asher and Lila looked at him and then at each other, holding a silent conversation with their eyes.

"I want the baby," Asher said, his voice ringing with certainty. "I don't want you to have an abortion. I'm not against it and I know it's your choice, but I want the baby."

"So do I," she whispered softly, taking his hand and intertwining their fingers. She shook her head. "I'm not a religious person, but that's not something I could ever do. There's a life growing inside me. It's part of you and me. I want to keep it."

Asher gave her a watery smile and then looked up at his father. "If we gave it up for adoption, I'd always wonder. I know how lucky I am. I couldn't live with myself if I didn't know for certain that my baby would end up with, well, people like you and Dad."

Kurt laid a hand on his son's shoulder. "When we were in high school, your Aunt Quinn had a baby."

Asher's eyes widened. "What?"

"Who?" Lila asked.

"Aunt Quinn is Daddy's sister and my godmother," Asher said. "She and Daddy were best friends in high school. When they were in sophomore year, my Grandpa married Aunt Quinn's mom, Grandma Judy." He shook his head and looked back at his father. "Aunt Quinn really had a baby?"

"She did, with your Uncle Puck."

Asher was stunned. "Aunt Quinn and Uncle Puck?" He shook his head. "I can't picture that in any universe. They don't even really like each other." He turned back to Lila. "Uncle Puck – well, his real name is Noah, but everyone calls him Puck – is another friend of Daddy's from high school and Ronan's godfather."

"They gave the baby, Beth, up for adoption," Kurt said. "Ironically to Rachel's birth mother."

Asher help up a hand. "Wait, what?"

"Rachel was raised by two fathers."

Asher's eyes flared with indignation. "You're telling me that a woman raised by two fathers had no compunction about stealing a man from his husband and getting knocked up? Doesn't she care that she ruined a family like her own?"

Lila gasped and covered her mouth with a hand. "I'm so sorry, Mister Hudson!"

Kurt gave her a weak smile. "Hummel," he corrected. "I'm taking back my, er, maiden name. But I want you to call me Kurt. Asher's father and I are filing for divorce."

"And Dad's going to marry his mistress," Asher spat, "who's pregnant." He looked at Kurt. "How far along is she?"

Kurt sighed. "Rachel and Lila are due at about the same time."

"What a bitch!" Lila hissed, before blushing and looking down.

Kurt's lips twitched but he quickly sobered. "Asher, I know you're upset about Rachel, but please remember she's carrying your brother or sister. The baby is blameless."

"But she's not, and neither is Dad," said the mutinous boy.

"No," Kurt agreed, sighing, "they're not, and neither am I."

"That's not true!"

"Yes, honey, it is. It takes two to make a marriage work, and it takes two for it to end." He gave his son a rueful smile. "You can't steal someone who's happy with what they have, but I want you to know that our divorce has nothing to do with you or your brother and sisters. Your father doesn't love you any less."

Asher harrumphed and crossed his arms defensively across his chest.

Kurt was warmed when Lila's immediately wrapped her arms around Asher and laid her head on his shoulder to comfort him. Yes, they were young, so terribly young, but they did love each other. He wasn't so sour and disillusioned to argue they were too young to know what love was; he and Finn had married when they were not much older than Asher and Lila.

"Okay," he said, "so you want to keep the baby. That's the most important decision to be made and everything that follows will be dependent on your commitment to that decision."

They nodded.

"It's going to be hard," he continued. "Very hard. I saw firsthand what Quinn went through in high school and not much has changed. Puck was … not at his finest then. He wanted the baby very much, but not for the right reasons, and while he thought he was in love with Quinn, he was more in love with the fact that she was his baby's mother."

"You mean he didn't love her as a person?" asked a confused Asher.

"No."

"That's crazy. I love Lila. I mean, I know we're young, but I'm sure of that. I love her." He turned toward her. "I love you."

"I love you too," she said quietly.

"Good," Kurt said. "That's half the battle fought, then. If you two seriously want to do this, to have and raise this baby, you need to be committed to it. That you're committed to each other can only help matters. I'll do as much as I can, provide whatever support you need, but, at the end of the day, this child is yours."

"Seven months," Lila whispered. "It seems so far away, but I know it's not really far at all."

"It's not," Kurt agreed, "and there's a lot we need to do to get ready." He looked around. "Are you sure you want to you share your room, Asher? We have guest rooms."

Asher wrapped his arms around Lila and drew her flush against him. "I'm sure."

Kurt held up his hands. "That's fine."

And it was. She was already pregnant, so what else could happen?

"But it's going to take some getting used to," he continued. "You've always had your own room, Asher. You never had to share with Chloe or the younger children. Having your own space is an intensely personal thing and I know how private you are."

He help up a hand when his son began to protest.

" _However_ , if you want to do this, I'll allow it, but I also want you both to know that, if at any time, you feel it's not working for you, we can make other arrangements."

Lila shook her head. "I want to be with Ash."

Kurt nodded. "Okay." He looked around the room with a critical eye. "The bed is large enough and Asher only uses half his closet. There's enough room to put in another dresser." He looked at them with a raised brow. "Asher, you've always cleaned up after yourself, but I suggest you adhere to stricter guidelines where your bathroom is concerned. Believe me, a woman appreciates a man who remembers to put the lid down."

He smirked when both children blushed.

But they weren't really children anymore, were they? He felt so old.

"We'll turn the guest room next door into a nursery," he continued, already planning a list of everything they would need. "I saved a lot of the children's things from when they were babies, Lila, so later on we'll go through it and you can see if there's anything you'd like."

"Thanks," she said, ducking her head. "For everything, Mister … Kurt."

Kurt gave a gentle laugh.

Lila looked at Asher. "I need to find a doctor."

"Daddy's a doctor!" he said with some enthusiasm. "Daddy …"

Kurt shook his head. "I'm a neurologist, baby, not an OB/GYN. Lila will need specialized care and I'm going to make sure she gets it. I know most of the doctors in town, at least tangentially. I'll make some calls tomorrow."

"You're a doctor?" Lila asked.

"I am."

"Couldn't you be my doctor?" she asked in a plaintive voice. "I know you. I trust you. Everyone else will judge me."

"Honey, no doctor worth his or her salt is going to judge you. No offense, but you're hardly the first girl to get pregnant in high school." His eyes narrowed. "And if whomever we choose makes even one condescending remark or ever makes you feel uncomfortable, I want you to tell me immediately. I'll take care of it."

Oh, she had no doubt about that. He had certainly taken care of her father. She looked askance at the bag of frozen peas duct-taped to his hand.

She was still so mortified. It was bad enough Kurt and Asher had seen the person her father really was when behind closed doors, but for him to try to attack Asher and then Kurt, well, that was horrifying.

"What's going on?" asked a sleepy Chloe as she pushed her way into her brother's bedroom. As she looked around at the disarray, her eyes widened. "What happened?" She caught a glimpse of her father's hand. "Daddy!"

Kurt wrapped her in a side-hug. "I'm fine, sweetheart. Everything is fine. Lila is going to live here with us from now on."

Chloe stared at her father and then at her brother. "I take it things didn't go so well at the Forresters?"

Asher glowered. "Mister Forrester tried to hit Lila, then me, and then Daddy."

"What!"

"That's something we can talk about tomorrow," Kurt said. "Right now, we all need sleep, Lila especially." He turned toward his son. "My expectations haven't changed. You will continue to go to school and get good grades." He looked at Lila. "You, too, honey. Both of you may be expecting a child soon, but you're going to finish high school and then college."

"How am I going to afford to go to college?" asked a crestfallen Lila.

"We'll cross that bridge when we get to it," Kurt said, "but the hard part is getting there." He nodded to himself. "And we're going to get both of you there." He sighed. "At least we still have the weekend. We'll start to get things ready. I'm sure I'll have to make arrangements with the school."

Chloe selfishly wondered how her brother's new situation would affect her school dynamic and was ashamed of it. She was ashamed of many things.

"Asher was right today," she said to her father. "I was a total bitch to you and I'm sorry."

Kurt gave her a pained smile. "I understand, baby. It's been difficult for all of us."

"Yeah," she agreed, "but I never really stopped to think about what this was doing to you." She shook her head. "I'm so mad at Dad. The twins don't understand what's going on. And what about the house? And visitation?"

She hadn't said anything at the time, but she had noticed this afternoon that when she said she wanted to live with Dad, he hadn't put up much of a fight for her. He probably wanted to spend all his time with Rachel, getting ready for his new baby.

She knew it was irrational to blame that baby, to blame Rachel, but she couldn't bring herself to blame the person she knew was responsible.

"We'll talk about all of that tomorrow," Kurt said. He blew out a breath. "First I need to call Grandpa and Aunt Quinn."

Asher's eyes widened. "Are you sure that's a good idea? They might kill Dad."

"If they don't, Aunt Santana sure will," Chloe said.

Kurt's shoulders slumped. "That's what I'm afraid of."

He kissed all of them goodnight, including Lila, who wondered what would have happened to her had she found herself in this situation with anyone other than Asher.

"He's such a great guy," she murmured after Kurt left the room.

"How could Dad _do_ this to him?" demanded an enraged Chloe.

Asher gave her a bland look. "It's about time you asked that question."

She blushed. "I was wrong, okay? I get that. But it's not like Dad is some horrible person either."

Asher sighed and looked down. "I know," he whispered, "and Daddy said that we shouldn't judge Dad, that someone who's really happy can't be stolen." He looked at his sister. "I think he blames himself for everything."

Chloe sniffed. "Well, that's just dumb. Even I know that. Regardless of what Daddy says, I _do_ blame Rachel. She knew Dad was married, that he has four children, but none of that stopped her from spreading her legs."

"Chloe!"

"She's right, Ash," Lila said flatly. "You and I are in this situation because of a broken condom. From everything I've heard about this Rachel person, what makes you think she didn't get pregnant on purpose?"

Asher stared at her as though he honestly hadn't thought of that, while Chloe just nodded.

"You know Dad, Asher. He can be dim sometimes where other people are concerned. You saw him today. It's obvious he still loves Daddy. Maybe he loves Rachel too, I don't know, but he's marrying her because of the baby, not because he doesn't love Daddy."

Asher had to force himself not to tell Chloe about the things Daddy had told him: about the money, Aunt Quinn and Uncle Puck, and Rachel's history with his fathers. He figured if Daddy wanted Chloe to know, he'd tell her himself.

"Are you jealous of me?" he suddenly asked. "Of my relationship with Daddy?"

She gave him an incredulous look. "Of course I am! Wouldn't you be?"

He shrugged. "Like I am of yours with Dad?"

She blinked. "Really?"

He flushed. "Daddy told me earlier that I had always been closer to him while you were closer to Dad. I guess I hadn't thought of it before, but it's kind of true, isn't it? I was always Daddy's Little Man and you were Dad's Princess."

She gave him a rueful smile.

Asher became very serious. "We have to be there for Daddy now. Don't get me wrong, I love Dad, but, well, he's kind of shirking his responsibility, isn't he? He's run off to start over with a new spouse and a new family, leaving Daddy to pick up the pieces."

Chloe sighed. "Yeah, I guess. I know Dad is still there for us, but it's not going to be the same, especially for the twins."

He winced. "Yeah, I get that, but I also think they understand more than we do."

She tilted her head. "What do you mean?"

"We had the best years, the ones where Dad and Daddy were the happiest, but the past couple of years … you know as well as I do that all of this didn't just come out of nowhere, right?"

She bit her lip and nodded.

He shrugged. "Poppy and Ronan picked up on that, I'm sure. They're smart kids. For us, this came as some huge shock, but for them … I think they might have seen it coming."

She blew out a breath. "Well, that just sucks." She shook her head. "So what we do?"

"Be there for them. I think that's all we can do." He looked around furtively. "I also think that we need to answer their questions, give them honest answers, like we would have wanted at their age. They're … what do you call them? … concrete thinkers. They won't understand all of the intricacies of a marriage."

"Like we do?" she shot back. "We know our _fathers_ , Asher. We don't really know _Kurt and Finn Hudson_."

"Hummel."

"What?"

"Daddy's taking his name back."

It hit her hard, though she wasn't really sure why. "What about us?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, are you going to become Asher Hummel?"

He stared at her. "I … I don't know."

"It has to be hard for him. For better or worse, Daddy's been a Hudson for twenty years and now, all of a sudden, he's going to be the only Hummel in the house?"

"It's just a name," he argued, though doubt was plain in his voice.

She scoffed. "No, it's not. You're not Asher Hummel, you're Asher Hudson. There's a difference. A name might just be a name for a _place_ or _thing_ , but not a person."

"Maybe you could hyphenate them," Lila suggested.

Chloe gave a thoughtful nod while Asher fidgeted.

He didn't like the idea of a hyphenated name. As much as he loved his Dad, as much as he wanted to be there for his siblings, as much as he wanted to try and remain impartial, his loyalty was to Daddy.

Maybe he _should_ consider taking Daddy's name. It would probably make Grandpa really happy, but then Dad would be upset. Because Chloe was right: it wasn't just a name, it was an identity and, up until this point, he had been pretty happy being Asher Hudson.

And what name did he want his child to have?

This was all so confusing. He had the feeling it was only going to get worse.

* * *

"What's going on, son?" Burt Hummel boomed into the receiver, making his wife Judy wince. She was sitting right next to him on the other phone and experienced some feedback.

"Are you all right, honey?" she asked her son.

Judy very much considered Kurt to be her son. It had taken him years, almost a decade, before he had been comfortable enough to call her Mom. She respected that, respected him.

Quinn had a much easier time with Burt. She had known him for years as an honorary uncle, she and Kurt having grown up together, so when he became her stepfather, it was an almost seamless transition. After all, Russell Fabray had treated his daughters, and their mother, as little more than offal for as long as they could remember.

Her eldest daughter Emily had left the house before Judy had finally gotten up the courage to throw Russell out, so she was used to not having a father, though she thought very highly of Burt.

But Kurt had been very close to his mother, Suzanne, and was devastated by her death. So too was Judy; she and Suzanne had been best friends since high school. Suzanne had always wondered what on earth Judy had seen in Russell, but it taken much longer for the scales to fall from Judy's eyes.

She supposed her long and happy marriage to Burt was due in large part to Suzanne. She had brought them together and remained a constant presence in their marriage. Not as a third wheel, but perhaps as a guardian angel, some kind of saving grace.

"Talk to us, Kurt," Quinn softly encouraged, having been conferenced in.

Kurt sighed. "I wanted all of you to hear it from me before anyone else."

"Son of a bitch!" Burt bellowed.

Judy closed her eyes, so incredibly sad.

"Finn and I have decided to file for divorce," Kurt whispered.

"This is because of Bitchy Bangs, isn't it?" Quinn demanded. "That … that harlot!"

Kurt burst out laughing against his will. "Harlot? Really, Quinn? What's next? Calling her a scarlet woman?"

"Well, she is!" she shrieked. "I'd be more than happy to tattoo a giant red A on that cow's face!"

"Hear, hear," Burt muttered. That Rachel girl had always been trouble.

"Please don't do this," Kurt begged. "I know you all mean well and are trying to be supportive, but calling her names doesn't change the facts. Finn chose her and that's the end of it. I need to accept that and blaming Rachel for everything solves nothing."

"It also gives Finn absolution he doesn't deserve," a wise Judy observed. "How are the children reacting to this news?"

Burt and Quinn fell silent, awaiting the answer.

"The twins don't really understand," Kurt said, and then sighed. "Or maybe they do, I don't know. You know how perceptive they are, how perceptive all children can be at that age. I'll have to spend more time trying to prepare them."

"Ash and Clo?" Burt grunted.

"Asher is supportive of me," Kurt said, "as I'm sure you all expected. Chloe …"

"Is siding with Finn?" Quinn asked gently.

"Initially she did, yes," Kurt said, "but she asked to live with Finn, who made it clear with his silence that he didn't care much for that idea."

"Motherfucker," Burt muttered.

"You said initially?" Judy interjected, swatting her husband.

"Chloe has a lot to work out and, unfortunately, she's going to have to do that mostly on her own. Her feelings for myself and Finn have always been muddled. You know she's always been his little girl and thought of Asher as mine."

"Well," Judy said hopefully, "maybe this will bring the two of you closer together."

"I can only hope."

They held their breaths when Kurt cleared his throat.

"Uh-oh," said a knowing Quinn. "What else is going on?"

"I got into an … altercation this evening with the father of Asher's girlfriend."

"Lila, isn't it?" Judy asked.

"Yes. She … she's pregnant."

Dead silence.

"Oh, my god," Quinn whispered.

"Quinn …"

"What are they going to do?"

"They want to keep the baby."

"Good," Burt said.

"It's not that simple," Judy said. "What about finishing high school? College?"

"They're going to do both," Kurt said. "I'll make sure of that."

"What kind of altercation?" Quinn asked.

"When Asher and Lila made clear they wanted the baby, Nicholas Forrester tried to strike Lila."

Burt and Quinn growled obscenities.

"Asher stood between them and Nicholas went after Asher."

Judy's rage bubbled over. "If that asshole laid a finger on my grandson, I'm going to cut off his balls with a rusty spork and make them into earrings!"

Burt beamed at his wife.

Kurt choked back laughter at her colorful threat. "I put a stop to things before either of the children could be hurt."

Burt grinned like a shark. "You mean you kicked ass."

"I merely …"

"Kicked ass," Burt interrupted. "Don't bullshit a bullshitter, kiddo. I know you. Anyone comes after your kids, their ass is grass and you're the lawnmower."

An embarrassed Kurt was silent for a moment. "Yes, well …"

Quinn whooped.

They could all hear Kurt roll his eyes. "At any rate, Lila has moved in with us. I can't say I'm thrilled she and Asher are sharing a bedroom, but she's already pregnant and I certainly couldn't leave her at her home."

"No, of course you couldn't," said a sympathetic Judy. "You've always done the right thing, sweetie."

Kurt sniffed. "I don't think that's true, otherwise …"

"Why is Finn doing this?" Quinn screeched. "He's throwing away a twenty-five year relationship for a shrew who couldn't hold onto him when were in high school? How stupid is he?"

"Finn is _not_ stupid."

"Stop defending him! He's …"

"Rachel is pregnant."

Again, dead silence.

"Whether Finn wants or feels he needs to marry her doesn't interest me. He wants his child to be legitimate and I understand that. As humiliating as all of this is, the baby is blameless. I won't begrudge him or her its father.

"And say what you like about Finn, but he has always been a wonderful father. That's not going to change, not for this child or the children he and I share. At the end of the day, whether or not he's my husband, he's still my children's father. I have to make that the priority. This is not about my hurt feelings."

"Yeah, it is, buddy," Burt insisted, "and you're not doing anyone any favors by being a martyr. You've always taken on more responsibility than was your due and, believe me, Finn is capitalizing on that."

"How is that, exactly?" Kurt challenged. "Finn knows he has to abide the prenuptial agreement. I keep the money, the house, and the kids. No judge is going to overturn that. This is going to be hard enough for the children. I'm not going to compound the problem by vilifying their father."

"You should still make him pay alimony and child support," Quinn said. "And sue Rachel for alienation of affection."

"This isn't a Lifetime movie," said an exasperated Kurt. "Illinois maintains grounds for fault divorces, but they have no role in determining how assets are split, just in matters of custody and then only rarely. The prenuptial agreement takes care of all of that. I'm certainly not going to sue Rachel. First, I don't think those grounds exist here and, second, I don't want to deal with her any more than necessary."

"What _are_ you going to do, honey?" Judy asked.

Kurt blew out a breath. "Take care of my children. Maybe go back to work."

"Really?" asked an interested Quinn. "You're going to get a job?"

"I think I've hidden away in this house long enough. I have no illusions that it will be easy. I've kept my license active and done my continuing education, but I haven't practiced in eighteen years. No one's going to be beating down my door to offer me a job at a prestigious practice.

"Besides, I'm really only interested in a part-time opportunity. I want to be there for the kids. I don't want this to impact them any more than it has to."

"The kids just want you to be happy, son," Burt said, "and so do we."

Kurt choked out a sob. "I thought I was happy, Daddy. I didn't know just how blind I'd been."


	3. Turning the Page

Poppy Hudson hated that she always woke with a start rather than a soft entrance into consciousness.

She hated a lot of things.

In no particular order, these things included broccoli, the Disneyfication of classic fairytales, One Direction, and most of the people walking the planet.

The things she loved could all be counted on two hands: her fathers, her brothers, her sister on occasion, her godmother Santana Lopez, and some other things, one of which may or may not have been Taylor Swift. It depended on her mood.

Poppy Hudson knew exactly how lucky she was. She was ten years old and possessed an extraordinary intellect, for which she had documentation. She didn't really need the documentation, of course – the proof was obvious – but she knew from experience that it was always good to have a contingency.

Before she had become a Hudson, she'd had a lot of contingencies. Children in the foster care system usually did.

So when Kurt and Finn Hudson had shown up one overcast day and offered to remove her and Ronan from the group home in which they were currently housed, she had more than a healthy dose of skepticism.

On the surface, they were lovely people who honestly appeared to want to parent her. Still, she wasn't used to having parents and quite enjoyed her freedom, thank you. She'd had a host of polite excuses as to why they should look elsewhere, but before she could voice them, Ronan had crawled into Kurt's lap and clung to him for dear life.

All of the excuses went out the window.

Poppy knew she was smart, very smart, smarter than most adults, but she also knew that Ronan was, in some ways, even smarter than her. He was an excellent judge of character, perhaps owing to the fact that he had been selectively mute for as long as she could remember. There was no impairment. He could speak perfectly well when so moved. He just often wasn't moved.

Oh, he sometimes spoke to her in the language they had cobbled together to fool others, but he was mostly silent.

This had made him a remarkable observer.

He had never taken to anyone the way he had Kurt. That meant something.

It had been harder for her. It often was. Sometimes she wondered if she herself _made_ things harder … before deciding she really didn't care.

As it was, they had gone home with the Hudsons that very day.

She had been much slower to accept them than Ronan. She thought Finn tried too hard. She thought Asher was far too optimistic than was healthy. She thought Chloe was a pseudo-intellectual snob who didn't appreciate the good fortune with which she was blessed. She thought Kurt almost too precious for words, and not in a good way.

But all of them had been kind to Ronan. That, too, had meant something.

They had been kind to her too, genuinely kind, and she could tell when people faked it. They didn't fake it. That also had meant something.

Ronan had then started talking. Joyfully. That had meant everything.

As the days had grown into months, Poppy admitted that she too had fallen under their spell. For all of their quirks and foibles, they truly were a family and, for whatever ridiculous reason, they wanted to include her and her brother. This definitely cast aspersions on their sanity.

Poppy knew she was a handful. She knew she was too smart for her own good and that of everyone else. She knew she could be impossible to like, let alone love, but they all loved her.

It had taken her a long time, years, to accept that love and return it fully.

Then it had been threatened.

Now it was over.

She was _angry_. She was angry at Dad for throwing it away. She was angry at Daddy for giving up. She was angry at Asher for turning his back on Dad. She was angry at Chloe for always making Daddy cry. She was angry at Ronan for retreating back into himself.

And she was angry at herself for caring so much.

She knew the odds had been stacked against them. They had only been four, but were still considered _older children_ , not the babies everyone always were so eager to adopt. They already had lives, personalities, _names_. She knew they might have stayed into the system until they were spit out of it.

But then the Hudsons had come. They had taken both her and Ronan, refusing even the thought of separating them. They had let them keep their names. They hadn't demanded they call them Dad and Daddy, understanding those were titles which had to be earned. They had encouraged them to be who they were. They had given them security.

And now that too had been threatened.

Worse, they had infected her with hope, always a hateful thing, and now she found herself believing that the dissolution of her parents' marriage didn't necessarily mean the same for their family.

She wasn't surprised Dad had done what he had done. She had been in enough foster homes to see that marriage wasn't forever, which was why she had vowed long ago that it wasn't for her. People lied. People cheated. It didn't necessarily mean they were bad people, just _people_.

It hurt her to see Dad so torn. It just about killed her to see Daddy so bereft.

What it might do to Ronan, however, made her furious.

The problem was that she couldn't decide at whom she should be most angry. She loved her parents. She knew they loved her. She knew they loved each other.

She knew things happened in this life and, sometimes, the only decision you had was how you reacted to them. She was determined to react with logic and reason.

Logic dictated that while her fathers were divorcing, they didn't love their children any less.

Logic dictated that she and her siblings were not at fault for the problems of their parents.

Logic dictated that Rachel's role in all of this, whatever that was and regardless of how it came to be, she was not entirely at fault. Dad had made his decisions and they would all have to live with them.

She sighed and sat up in her bed. She looked over at her brother, unsurprised to see he was still sleeping. Or hiding. She decided to leave him be.

She swung her head in the other direction and looked out the window. It was sunny, the sky a brilliant blue with white fluffy clouds dotting it haphazardly. It was just like any other day.

So she decided it would be just that.

She decided she was going to go about her business, love her family, and be the best person she could be. It was the only thing her fathers had ever asked of her. It was the only thing she asked of herself.

She was Poppy Hudson.

* * *

Ronan wasn't hiding. He was thinking.

He often did that, about myriad things and at all hours of the day. Most people believed he was lost in his thoughts, but that wasn't true. He always knew exactly where he was and how to find his way home.

He was just as smart as his twin sister, but had never felt the need she did to verbalize. Frankly, Poppy talked way too much.

She knew it was simply her way. She needed words to make sense of her feelings.

Ronan just felt things. He thought it was much easier. Words often got in the way.

He knew their family had grown last night. Perhaps it was more accurate to say it had evened out. They had lost a father but gained a sister.

Not that Dad was lost. More like … displaced.

Ronan liked Lila. She had been his and Poppy's babysitter before she began dating Asher, on the rare occasions that Daddy went somewhere without them. She had always been kind to them, listened when they spoke, and never talked down to them as though they were nothing more than silly children. She'd be a good mother even if she was too young to have a baby.

Asher would be a good father.

He didn't feel threatened by their baby. He didn't feel threatened by Rachel's baby. He knew that his fathers loved him and always would. He knew Asher and Chloe loved them and always would, even though they sometimes acted as though he and Poppy were nothing but pesky kids. He knew that Rachel loved Dad and liked his children, even if those same children had feelings for her which ran the entire spectrum of human emotion.

He knew Poppy wasn't as tough as she wanted him and everyone else to believe.

He knew this would be hard, that Daddy was going to hurt for a long time, but he knew in the end everything would be okay. Just like he knew that day in the home when he had crawled into Daddy's lap that everything would be okay.

Because _this_ was home. This was _family_.

In the end, family was all that mattered.

* * *

Kurt danced around the kitchen, bringing and removing plates from the table, silently ruing that only he would have children with tastes as finicky as his own. Of course they only liked certain foods. Of course none of their preferences were shared. Of course he kept the local grocery in business.

He paid extra attention to Lila, who, as an only child, appeared rather overwhelmed by how boisterous and chaotic a family breakfast could be with so many people involved. She was just grateful to have a hot meal and Kurt was happy for her gratitude.

"How did it go last night?" Asher asked.

Kurt sighed. "About as well as could be expected."

His son smirked. "Threats of vengeance and retribution?"

"Naturally."

"And I'm sure you dissuaded them from action."

"Of course."

Asher offered a forlorn sigh in reply.

Kurt just rolled his eyes as he took his seat. "Now that we're all fed, there are some things we need to discuss." He looked at each one of them in turn. "As you all know, Dad and I are divorcing, which means he will no longer live here. Even though he hasn't been here these past few months, I think all of us were hoping he'd come home."

The twins simply stared at him. Asher glared down at the table while Chloe was impassive. Lila appeared embarrassed yet happy to be included.

"The most important thing for you to know is that Dad and I love all of you very much. That is never going to change. We also love each other and always will. We just … can't live together anymore."

He took a sip of his coffee. "I've been thinking about this most of the night and would appreciate it if you would listen to what I'm about to say."

He nodded when they all sat up just a bit straighter.

"Blaming Rachel is the easy way out and I'm not going to do it. I don't want you to do it either. The truth of the matter is that your father and I have had problems for years. We knew that. We ignored them and hoped they would go away. They didn't.

"Don't misunderstand me. I am very angry with Rachel, but mostly because of how she chose to go about this. However, I've known her since we were young, far better than you do or ever will. I know how she thinks and operates. I truly do not believe she did this intentionally. I also do not believe she became pregnant to trap your father. She's many things, but she's not those things."

"You can't just expect us to accept her," Chloe spat.

"I certainly can and I do," Kurt countered. "You don't have to accept her as your mother. She isn't your mother and never will be, nor do I think she would ever try to be. But you will accept her as your father's wife and mother of your new brother or sister."

"Are we supposed to listen to her?" Asher demanded. He shook his head. "No, thank you."

"You will be expected to behave yourselves in her presence. You will be expected to respect her in her home and in mine. Beyond that, she is not responsible for your care and has no say in your lives. When you are in her home, you will abide her rules. If you do not, if you embarrass yourselves, your father, or me, you will be punished. Not by Rachel, but by your father and me."

He raised a brow. "It is therefore up to you whose wrath you'd rather incur."

He delicately took another sip and watched with faint amusement as his children exchanged looks of horror. He never wanted his children to fear him, nor had he ever given them cause. They had always respected his rules because he had taken the time explain them. He had also never been afraid to dole out punishment when it was warranted.

Granted, his punishments were unusual. He often found a book applicable to the situation and made them read it before having them write a report which correlated the narrative with the situation that had spawned the reading.

Yes, he was a nerd. His children were nerds. But they were well-behaved and thoughtful nerds. Usually.

He also had no problems confining them, taking away prized possessions, and denying them excursions they were desperate to attend. He never yelled, he never made them feel as though his love was conditional, and he was always sure to discuss with them their feelings. They were welcome to feel whatever they wished, but they were not to be ruled by emotions.

He had spent most of his young life on an emotional seesaw because his mother was dead and his father didn't know how to relate to him. He didn't want that for his children. He made sure they knew they could always come to him, that he would always be there to love them, to forgive them, and to help them. But he also made sure they knew he wasn't a pushover, that actions had consequences, and the choices they made mattered.

Okay, so he had been more than a little invested in his psych rotation.

The lovely thing was that Finn had been there every step of the way, just as invested. That was one of the benefits about being unable to have their own children: they had considered their parenting philosophy long and hard before beginning the adoption process. They knew what they wanted to achieve and had done so.

They had always been a united front where the children were concerned and he didn't see that changing. The children, though they had tried, had never been able to pit them against each other. He fully expected them to try now, to test the boundaries of this new reality, and he knew it would fail. It wouldn't work. He and Finn had their issues – they'd had them for a long time – but they absolutely supported and respected each other as parents.

They also knew they were incredibly lucky to have such amazing kids.

"What's most important," he continued, "is that all of you, including Lila, realize how much I love you. How much Dad loves you. You are the most important things in our lives. You are absolutely our greatest accomplishments."

Lila looked at him in confusion.

He smiled. "I trusted you with my children, honey. I certainly trust you with my grandchild."

She gave him a shy smile and ducked her head.

The desire to kill her father renewed itself. He was positive that Finn, once told the story, would feel much the same. They couldn't have been happier when Asher and Lila had started dating, and though the circumstances weren't ideal, she was a part of their family now and always would be.

Asher looked at him with dewy eyes as he placed a hand over Lila's own. "I'm so happy you feel that way, Daddy," he bleated, "because Lila and I are getting married."

Kurt started choking.

* * *

"And what did you say?" asked a wide-eyed Finn.

"What do you think I said? After I picked myself up off the floor, I told them that, if that's what they wanted to do, I'd support them."

"What!"

Kurt sighed and sat down, looking around Finn's palatial office, a testimony to his rather remarkable and meteoric career. "What choice did I have, hon … _Finn_?"

Tears appeared in Finn's eyes and he quickly looked away.

Kurt was determined to persevere. "They're seventeen. They're old enough to get married without our consent, which they made clear they would do if pushed. It's going to be hard enough for them. I won't make it harder. They'll have enough to fight. I don't want them to feel I'm just something else standing in their way."

Finn sighed. "You should have called me last night."

Kurt stiffened. "I am perfectly capable of defending myself and our children."

Finn laughed. "I know! I just wanted to be there to see it!"

Kurt stared.

"You totally kicked that guy's ass!"

Kurt flushed and looked away. "It wasn't my finest moment."

"Like hell it wasn't. I love when you go all Papa Bear!"

Kurt cleared his throat. "I called Mom and Dad last night to tell them."

Finn looked down at the floor.

"I'm fairly certain I talked them out of killing you," Kurt joked, "but there are no guarantees where Quinn is concerned."

Finn winced but forced those thoughts away. "How are the kids?" he whispered.

"Surprisingly well. I explained that we would file soon and you would be marrying Rachel. I also told them they are expected to respect her, but made it clear that if punishment was required, it would be decided upon by you and me, not her. I hope you'll support me in that."

Finn nodded. "Of course. She's not their parent."

Kurt heaved a small sigh of relief.

"Kurty …"

"Please don't call me that," Kurt whispered.

Finn bit his lip and blinked furiously. "Kurt, you have to know I would never try to take the kids or turn them against you." His voice turned desperate. "You _do_ know that, don't you?"

"Of course I do. Finn, regardless of what's happened between us, I know we're both dedicated to our children. I fully expect that to continue. I want to make this as easy as possible for them, though I know that's probably a foolish hope."

"I really did love you, Kurt. I hope you know that. I hope you know I always will. I hope you never think I was settling or that I wasn't sure of who I was or what I wanted. I would never do that to you. Not again."

"I do know that," Kurt said softly. "Finn, we had twenty mostly wonderful years. That's a lot more than most people get. I'll never regret marrying you. I'll never regret spending half of my life with you or having children with you."

"But?" Finn gently prompted.

"You were right, yesterday in the therapist's office. I did change. I changed a lot. I didn't truly realize until you pointed it out ... yes, I did; I just didn't want to face it. I thought about what you said and took a hard look at myself. I didn't like what I saw."

"You were right, too," Finn said. "I am selfish. I do things without thinking and force everyone else to pay the price." He sighed, putting his head in hands. "I am so sorry for this, for doing this to you, for humiliating you. But Kurt … I can't be sorry about the baby."

"I would never ask you to be," Kurt said easily. "I know how much you love children. I know you've always wanted more. I don't like the way this came about, but as I told the kids, the baby is blameless. I certainly have no hostility toward it. I want nothing but the best for you and the baby."

Finn gave him a sly smile. "And Rachel?"

Kurt gave him a flat look. "Don't push it. Just because I'm not burning her at the stake doesn't mean I can't do a host of other things."

Finn became panicked.

"I'm not saying that I _will_ , just that I believe in having options."

Kurt gave him a broad smile and sauntered from the room.

As Finn forced himself not to ogle his soon-to-be ex-husband's still stellar ass, he felt that little thrill he had when he was younger, when being terrified of Kurt was almost as captivating as loving and being loved by him.


	4. Reconnections

Kurt was halfway out the back door, on his way to a job interview, when he was accosted by the person he least wanted to see. He suppressed rolling his eyes and pursed his lips. He had been dodging her phone calls and Facebook friend requests for three months, so this shouldn’t have surprised him as much as it did. He could almost admire her audacity.

“What do you want, Rachel?”

She gave him a beseeching look, trying to disguise her fury at how handsome he had become. Kurt had always been cute, but now he was gorgeous and easily looked more than a dozen years younger than his actual age. It stuck in her craw that he had held up far better than she had.

“I think we should talk. Can I come inside?”

“No,” he said flatly, shutting the door firmly behind him. “This is my house and I don’t want you in it.”

She huffed. “Well, I see you’re just as rude as ever.”

He arched a brow and held a breath before quietly releasing it, refusing to fall back into old patterns. There was much he wanted to say, so much bitchiness almost foaming at his mouth, but he resisted. He wanted to tell her that, whoever her plastic surgeon was, they had done a shit job with her Botox and Juvederm. He decided to take the high road, or at least not the lowest one.

“Really? That’s what you’re leading with? _Really?_ ” He shook his head. “You took my husband and are pregnant with his child, yet you feel I not only owe you my time, but an invitation into my home? Were you always this obnoxious, Rachel, or did you just get better at it during the last twenty years?”

She flinched and looked down. “I didn’t plan any of this, Kurt.”

“I don’t believe you did, but you knew Finn was married with children, yet you slept with him anyway. You don’t get to show up at my house and play the victim.”

“I just want us to talk about this, Kurt.”

He pushed up his sunglasses and narrowed his eyes. “I can’t imagine what you think we need to discuss. We’re not friends and never were. You have Finn now, which is what you always wanted. Aren’t you happy with that? Am I supposed to congratulate you?”

“No, of course not, but …”

“I’ve been very accommodating about this humiliating situation. I’m not contesting the divorce. I’m not asking for spousal or child support. Hell, I filed first and am still waiting for Finn to sign the papers.” He suppressed a smirk when her eyes widened at that little tidbit. “What could you possibly think we have to talk about?”

“Kurt, we’re going to be in each other’s lives now and …”

His eyes widened. “We most certainly are not! I’m nothing more to you than your fiancé’s ex-husband, and you’re absolutely nothing to me.”

She glared. “Why do you always have to be such a bitch? No wonder Finn left you!”

He laughed. “Is that what he told you?”

She flushed and looked away.

“No, of course it isn’t,” he continued, very much amused. “We all know I asked Finn to leave. Yes, I thought we would eventually reconcile, and we probably would have, had you not gotten pregnant, but what’s done is done and can’t be changed. We all have to accept that.”

He paused. “Fair warning, Rachel: so far, I’ve been very evenhanded in how I’ve played this, but that could change depending on how much you annoy me.”

“What do you mean?”

“Don’t test me, Rachel Berry,” he hissed. “This isn’t McKinley and I have long since given up pedantic high school games. Do you honestly believe you’re ready to face me in the big leagues?”

She smirked. “I was always more than a match for you.”

He scoffed. “Oh, yes, you’ve accomplished so much in your storied life.” He shook his head in derision, took a step forward, and stared into her eyes. “Do you think I didn’t do my homework, Rachel? I know all about you, including why you left New York. My only question is why you moved here. Was it to find Finn? I think it was.”

“That’s not true,” she said quickly, wondering just how much he knew, as well as he found out.

“Keep telling yourself that. Look, Rachel, I have an appointment and you’re boring me to tears, so let me bottom-line this for you. You may wear Finn’s ring on your finger and you may be carrying his child, but I will always be the love of his life.

“You can delude yourself into believing otherwise,” he continued, shrugging, “I couldn’t care less, but don’t you ever again darken my doorstep with your nonsense. Marry him and have his baby. You’ll soon learn it’s not the rose garden you’ve always believed it would be.

“At the end of the day, I was married for twenty years to a man I loved, have four beautiful children, a loving and supportive family, and am a doctor. This was never a competition, Rachel, and if it were, in every way that matters, I won a long time ago. Get out. There’s nothing for you here.”

“Right,” she drawled, “you won. That’s why I was the star on Broadway while you settled into suburbia and became Chicago’s most desperate housewife.”

He gave her a cool look and brittle smile. “That’s true,” he acknowledged. “I never had a singing career, so I certainly never had the success you did in failing at it.”

She flinched, knowing she was walking a fine line. She didn’t know how much he knew about her time in New York. Even if it was less than she suspected, it was information she didn’t want getting back to Finn.

“Can’t we be adults about this?” she asked.

_Fuck this_ , he thought. If she wasn’t going to back off, he _would_ make her back down.

“Maybe you should have asked yourself that before spreading your legs for a married man.” His lips quirked up. “Again.”

_Check and mate_ , she thought. Very well; he had won this round.

“I’m sorry you feel that way,” she said humbly. “I only wanted to make this transition as seamless as possible for the children.”

“You mean for _my_ children, don’t you?” he asked archly. “Don’t trouble yourself with them. Your input isn’t necessary or required. You aren’t their parent.”

“But I will be their stepmother,” she said slyly, surprised when he burst out laughing.

“After twenty years, you’re still playing the same tired games,” he chuckled. “You have the temerity to show up at my home and make oblique threats? Grow a set, little girl. I already told you that you’re welcome to Finn, so be happy with that. If you think for a moment you’re going to come between me and my children, or interfere in how Finn and I raise them, think again.”

He grinned. “By the way …” he trailed off, pointing up to the security camera in the eave. “It records both audio and video. If I were you, and I’m very thankful I’m not, you might wish to consider how you relay this little détente to Finn, because if he comes to me bent out of shape and furious on your behalf, I’ll play him the tape.”

He set his mouth in a grim line. “Grow up, princess, and stay out of my way. You really should be more concerned with your own happy ending, or you’ll find out the hard way just what a bitch I can be. Trust me, you’re not ready.”

“You and what army?” she demanded.

“Go kick sand on someone else’s playground, or you’ll find out what army on whom I’ll call.” He gave her a wolfish grin. “Out of kindness to Finn, I agreed to use our family lawyer to handle the divorce, but I could always call my personal attorney. You remember Santana, don’t you, Rachel? She certainly remembers you.”

He dropped his sunglasses back over his eyes and sauntered off to his car, climbed in, and slowly backed out of the driveway, giving her a jaunty wave. Defeated, she walked back to her car, waited a beat, and drove off.

Neither noticed Chloé staring out the kitchen window, wondering how she had missed, for so many years, just what a badass her Daddy was.

 

* * *

 

Kurt sighed and looked around the drab little office in which he now found himself as his paperwork was processed.

He knew he would have trouble getting a decent job in his field, but he hadn’t suspected it would be next to impossible. Every neurology practice at which he had interviewed had been very clear: they absolutely wanted to hire him, but he had been out of the game too long. Further, they were looking for more established physicians with good reputations in order to lure new patients.

It was reasonable, he knew, so he hadn’t taken it too personally. No one but him was responsible for his decisions, and he didn’t regret staying home to raise the kids. He’d never give up that time with them and would make the same decision again.

Still, all of them were now in school. Finn was gone, and the last thing Kurt wanted was to be sitting alone in an empty house all day. It would drive him insane. It already had been for the past months. He wanted to work and he missed medicine.

Which was what had led him to this. It wasn’t his dream job and he would have to do cross-training in order to succeed, but he relished the challenge. It was decent money and, though he was on-call, the hours weren’t too ridiculous, especially compared with his residency. He would receive state benefits, which were better than Finn’s current health plan, so he resolved to transfer the children to his new policy once it became effective. He started next week.

He looked up and smiled when his new supervisor, Audra Lafferty, strolled in. Their personalities, at least on the surface, appeared to be similar, so he wasn’t averse to working with her, and he knew he would be monitored closely during his probationary period.

She sat across him and passed an envelope bulging with paperwork, beaming. “Everything is set. Enclosed, you’ll find information about your benefits, the pension plan, salary guidelines and reviews, and instructions on how to get a parking permit and your official badge and identification card. Do you have any questions?”

“Not at this time,” he said politely, “but if I do, may I call you?”

“Of course!” She paused. “Kurt, are you absolutely sure you want to take this job? It’s not very glamorous and can be downright depressing. You’ve been educated at some of the finest institutes in the country and could do much better somewhere else.”

That really wasn’t true, but he wasn’t about to tell her that. “I’m absolutely sure,” he said. “I know I’m not exactly qualified for the position, but I’m a quick study and will enjoy learning a new field.” He laughed. “I suppose it was destiny. My aunt is a forensic pathologist.”

“Oh?” asked an interested Audra. “Anyone I know?”

“Camille Saroyan.”

She stared. “Of the Jeffersonian?”

He nodded. “I actually had several internships with her. Weren’t they on my résumé?”

“Yes, they were, but they weren’t too detailed and I’m familiar with the many programs the Jeffersonian offers. I just assumed you had served in a more administrative role.”

He smiled. “No, I did most of the grunt work while Aunt Cam supervised. She was a relentless taskmaster, especially toward me. Just because I was family didn’t mean she’d give me a free pass. The only reason I didn’t list her as a reference is because she’s not strictly a colleague.”

She arched a brow. “You do know a reference from her would probably ensure you received my job.”

“I’m not interested in obtaining something I haven’t earned.”

She grinned. “A doctor with ethics. That’s rarer than you think these days. Are you sure you won’t find the additional training too much? I know your primary objective is your family.”

“That’s true,” he said, “but I also want to set an example for them. I don’t want them to be afraid of hard work or of starting over. I know it sounds cliché, but I do believe that every time one door closes, another opens. I’m not a religious person, but I kind of think I was meant to be here.”

He laughed. “Just a few years ago, one of my best friends was in a similar position. She was a few years ahead of me at Johns Hopkins. I specialized in neurology, while she pursued neurosurgery. I can state without bombast that she was one of the best in her field. She was in a car accident a few years ago and injured, and, just like that, could no longer perform surgery. She instead became a medical examiner and, though she’s unorthodox, she’s remarkable.”

Audra again raised a brow.

“Megan Hunt, out of Philadelphia.”

She smirked. “Believe me, everyone in forensic pathology is familiar with her reputation.”

He snickered.

“But she’s damn good,” Audra conceded. “If you’re not only her colleague, but her friend, I think it’s safe to assume you’re fairly brilliant yourself.”

“I won’t let you down,” he said seriously.

She smiled and stood, holding out her hand. “No, I don’t think you will. Welcome to the Office of the Chief Medical Examiner for Cook County, Doctor Hummel. There will be an opening next year for an Assistant Chief. I expect you to apply and be selected.”

 

* * *

 

Kurt sat in his car for fifteen minutes, wondering if he had gotten himself in over his head. He was more unsure about the position than he had let on, but he did like Audra and thought he might enjoy following in Aunt Cam’s steps. Despite his reticence, he was determined to give it a chance. After all, he could always resign.

He made a mental note to call Camille later and get her take on the situation, as well as ask if she knew anything about the Cook County OCME, and Audra in particular. He might not have been a lawyer, but he knew enough to do his due diligence. Forewarned was forearmed, after all.

He sighed and shook his head, putting it out of his mind for a while. On the spur of the moment, he decided to pop in on one of his best friends. He no longer got to see her as often, since she moved her family out of Highland Park and into downtown, and missed her dreadfully. She had been one of his first friends after moving to Chicago and he knew he hadn’t been much of a friend to her lately.

He felt terribly guilty about that. Granted, he had his own problems to deal with, but she wasn’t having a much better time and the least he owed her was his support and a friendly ear. It was nothing less than she had done for him time and time again.

He smiled to himself and girded his loins as he pulled out into the nightmare that was downtown Chicago traffic.

 

* * *

 

“Knock, knock,” he said an hour later.

Alicia Florrick frowned at her paperwork and looked up, eyes quickly filling with joy.

“Kurt!” she gushed, immediately on her feet and flying into his arms. “It’s so good to see you!”

“I’ve missed you,” he whispered.

She caught the hitch in his breath and frowned. She pulled him tighter toward her. “What’s going on, honey?”

He pulled back and cleared his throat, wiping his tears before they could fall and making a dismissive gesture with his hand. “Oh, not much,” he rasped. “I just got a new job, so I thought I’d stop by and see if you wanted to grab lunch to celebrate. Oh, and I’m getting divorced.”

She stared blankly before moving behind him, planting her hands on his shoulders, and guiding him to the seat by her desk. She gently caressed the back of his neck before resuming her own chair.

“Tell me,” she said softly.

He bit his lip and shrugged. “I’ve found myself in the unenviable position you yourself were in just last year.”

Her eyes hooded. “Finn had an affair?”

“ _Had_ implies that it’s over,” he said shortly, unable to stop the bitterness from pouring out. “I had suspected for a while, but he finally came clean after it had been going for six months and his guilt got the better of him. She’s pregnant, Alicia, and he’s going to marry her.”

“What an _asshole_ ,” she seethed.

“Yes, well,” Kurt said, adjusting his tie, “I’ve been trying very hard not to give into the temptation to call him that, especially around the children, but, yes, he’s a complete asshole. To make matters worse, remember when I told you about Rachel Berry from high school?”

Her eyes widened. “Please tell me he didn’t.”

“He did.”

She sighed and closed her eyes, shaking her head. “I’m just so sorry, Kurt. I don’t suppose it would help for me to tell you I know exactly how you feel?”

“Actually, I think it would help a lot.”

“Then I know exactly how you feel. I can probably arrange to have him audited.”

“That would be a perk,” he said, “but I’m trying to be adult about this.”

She nodded. “Sucks, doesn’t it?”

“I really don’t want to adult anymore. I also can't believe I just used a noun as a verb.”

“Remember when we were young and couldn’t wait to grow up?”

“We were stupid.”

“Absolute fools.” She paused. “The kids?”

“I honestly don’t know about the twins. They’re keeping pretty tight-lipped about it all, which makes me think they might have seen it coming even before I did. Chloé has fully entered the Mean Girl phase. I just hope she isn’t going to start Lohaning it, because I can’t take much more.”

“And Asher?”

“Congratulate me,” he drawled. “I’m soon to be a grandfather.”

She blinked. “I assume this is going to be a drinking lunch? It had better be a drinking lunch.”

“I beg of you.”

She grabbed her purse, and then his arm, and pushed them out of her office.

“Alicia!” someone called.

She grimaced and plastered an impassive look on her face before turning around, surprised to see both Will Gardner and Diane Lockhart barreling toward her.

“I’m about to go to lunch,” she said coolly.

“You never take lunch,” Will argued.

“Then I feel I should be encouraged to do so. You don’t pay me not to take lunch.”

Will gave her a confused look before shrugging it off and studying the man beside her, to whom he offered a winning smile. “New client?”

“Dear friend,” Alicia said, frowning. “Will Gardner, Diane Lockhart, this is Doctor Kurt Hummel.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” Kurt lied, shaking their hands. He found the Lockhart woman at least pleasant, but Gardner was looking at him with distaste.

“How long have you two known each other?” asked a sour Will.

“Fifteen years,” Kurt said pleasantly.

“Was there something you wanted, Will?” Alicia demanded.

He frowned at her.

Kurt rolled his eyes. “Oh, _honestly._ Mister Gardner, Alicia used to be my neighbor in Highland Park. She’s the first friend I made when I moved to Chicago. We were drawn together because we were bored and overeducated stay-at-home parents and because we’re both fans of wine and _Buffy the Vampire Slayer_.”

Diane snickered.

“I’m taking Alicia to lunch because I desperately need her counsel as a friend.” His eyes turned arctic. “You see, I’ve just filed for divorce from my husband of more than twenty years, with whom I have four children. He had an affair and knocked someone up, and now he’s marrying her.”

Diane winced. “My condolences.”

“Thank you, Ms. Lockhart,” Kurt said swiftly, nodding his head. “By the way, I want to tell you how moved I was by your speech at the last Fire & Ice Ball for the Joyful Heart Foundation. Your passion and dedication shamed me into adding another zero to my donation.”

She grinned. “That’s gratifying to hear, Doctor Hummel, and I thank you sincerely for your contribution.”

“It’s very important work.”

“Yes,” she said stoically, “it is.”

“I understand you’re chairing the next fundraiser. If you need any assistance, please don’t hesitate to contact me. Alicia can get you my details.”

“Thank you,” she said with faint surprise. “I would appreciate all the help I can get.” She frowned. “I’m sorry, you look so familiar, but I don’t recognize your name.”

He offered a pained smile. “I’ve recently taken back my maiden name, I guess you could say. You probably know me as Kurt Hudson.”

Her eyes widened. “You’re Finn Hudson’s husband?”

“Soon to be ex, yes.”

“The CBS meteorologist?” asked a confused Will.

Diane curled a lip. “Do you need an attorney, Doctor Hummel? I’m more than happy to represent you. Pro bono, even.”

Kurt gave her a genuine smile. “Thank you, Ms. Lockhart …”

“Diane.”

“Diane,” he said, “but I’m in good legal hands. The divorce is uncontested and, right now, I’m just waiting for Finn to sign the paperwork.”

“If you’re sure …”

“I am,” he said firmly. “I know of your ability, Diane, and it’s thoroughly impressive, but I have a personal attorney with whom I’m very happy. She’s one of my best friends and is in fact married to another best friend. She’s also a complete shark and I adore that about her.”

Diane grinned. “Is she looking for a job?”

Kurt laughed. “She’s happy where she is, but I’ll let her to know polish up her résumé if she starts looking elsewhere.”

“How is Santana?” Alicia asked.

“She’s well.”

“Santana Lopez?” Will asked in a choked voice.

“You’ve heard of her,” Kurt drawled.

“Oh, this is too delicious,” Diane cooed, savoring the moment. She knew Will had once made a play for Santana and completely humiliated himself in the process.

Alicia thinned her lips to avoid a smirk. “What did you need, Will? I emailed you the affidavit for the Carlisle case about ten minutes ago.”

Will snapped out of his fog and shook his head. “I was hoping you would know of an expert witness in forensic accounting. The one we contracted for the Hillsboro case has a conflict of interest.”

“I don’t, I’m sorry.”

“I know of someone,” Kurt said. “Let me get you his number.” He pulled out his phone and began scrolling through his contacts. “Do you have paper and pen?”

Will looked helplessly at Diane, who rolled her eyes and offered a Mont Blanc and small pad to Kurt. He smiled and quickly wrote down a name and number before passing it over to Will.

“Arthur Abrams?” asked a flabbergasted Will. “You know Arthur Abrams?”

“Artie and I went through twelve torturous years of school together,” Kurt chirped. “He was my first kiss. Tell him I referred you, and please give him my best.”

Will stared.

Kurt turned to Alicia. “Wine?”

“Please and thank you.”

They linked arms and strutted toward the elevator.

“Who _was_ that?” Will demanded.

Diane sighed and shook her head before walking in the other direction.


	5. The Father-Daughter Dance

Kurt returned home feeling more himself than he had in a long time. Spending time with Alicia had reignited within him a sense of normality he had been sorely missing. Again, he couldn’t help but regret their friendship had lapsed over the past year. He knew he bore the brunt of the responsibility; after she had moved herself and the children downtown, it became all too easy to make plans and then allow them to fall through. They were both always so busy and there was always time to reschedule.

And then reschedule some more, and some more, until finally they couldn't remember the last time they had seen each other.

She hadn’t said it, but he knew he had hurt her. Unlike the superficial relationships both had maintained with their neighbors, theirs had been a genuine friendship built on common beliefs and values. Alicia was one of the few people he knew who, like him, was not only an atheist, but felt no shame in acknowledging it. When the news had broken about her husband and his multiple infidelities, the neighborhood had been quick in breaking all ties for the sake of appearances.

Alicia knew that had never been his intention and now understood he had been going through similar trials. It wasn’t long after she left that Kurt had begun to cotton on to Finn’s affair. Regardless, he had asked for absolution and Alicia had granted it, though she insisted it wasn’t necessary.

Other than his friendship with Megan, Alicia was one of the few friends he had made on his own since high school. Most of his other so-called friends had come about because of his marriage to Finn and, once that was over, they had begun distancing themselves, as if they no longer knew how to relate to him as an individual and not part of a couple.

He supposed he had somewhat expected it, considering how Alicia had been treated, but it was still painful to realize just how alone he was. He still had his girls, of course, who had been suspiciously silent. He suspected Quinn had been keeping them in line, most likely breaking the news to them about the divorce and convincing them to wait until he made the first move.

Kurt knew he had waited too long. Rachel and Lila were both almost six months along now, which meant he had been twiddling his thumbs for the past three months as he attempted to navigate the new reality of being single. He was certain that when he finally picked up the phone, all of them, but particularly Santana and Mercedes, would have a lot to say.

He found he deeply resented how his Highland Park social circle regarded single people, as if he wasn’t a person in his own right, as if he had stopped existing altogether now that he was no longer part of some absurd _Kinn_ amalgamation. He promptly decided that he would not answer to the _single_ moniker, vowing instead to consider himself _independently owned and operated._

He was worried why Finn had yet to sign the papers. It had been more than six weeks since they had been drawn up. If Finn was having second-thoughts, that was his problem. If he was hesitant about committing to Rachel, Kurt didn’t want to know anything about it. The less he was involved in that relationship, the better for everyone. Mere months ago just the thought of going on with his life without Finn was anguishing; now, he just wanted it over. He was tired of living in limbo.

He hung up his coat and dropped his keys on the table in the foyer, looking down the hall toward the kitchen and sighing. He just didn’t have it in him to make another _pretend-everything-is-normal_ family dinner. They would be ordering in tonight.

Nodding to himself, pleased with his decision, he decided to change out of his business clothes before the bus dropped the twins off. They were due in about twenty minutes, with Asher, Chloé, and Lila arriving home an hour following.

As he told Alicia, he wasn’t sure how the twins were handling the divorce. Poppy was just as strident and demanding as ever, while Ronan was just as introverted. Kurt was just grateful his youngest son hadn’t slipped back into selective mutism. He had already started researching child psychologists and family therapists should counseling be necessary.

Asher and Lila were far more consumed by their impending parenthood and trying to maintain the grades Kurt had mandated. He knew it wouldn’t be easy for them and, while he hated seeing them so tired, he was proud of them for sticking with it. He had actually set very few rules for them other than striving in their studies. They would soon be parents themselves and had to get used to setting their own goals and trying to meet them without his prompting. He would always be there for whatever they needed, but if they wanted to be treated as adults, they would have to act like adults.

His real concern was Chloé. Every day she came down the stairs with what was akin to a new personality. Some days she was just as self-involved and shrewish as ever, while others she was very clingy with Kurt and didn’t want to be separated from him, which hadn't occurred since she was an infant. Then there were her attempts at mothering the twins, which did not go over well with Poppy, though Ronan basked in the attentions of his elder sister.

Chloé and Asher’s relationship had also changed. Kurt thought it might actually have deepened. Despite their close ages, they had never been close themselves, treating each other more like distant cousins than siblings. For years Kurt had fretted that he and Finn had failed as parents for not being able to force a loving relationship between their two eldest. It was Finn who had preached patience, insisting Asher and Chloé loved each other more deeply than any of them realized, but that it would take time for them to realize it.

He sat down on the sofa and sighed.

He did miss Finn. He truly did.

Finn was a terrific father and, for all but the last year of their marriage, a warm and loving partner. It would be so much easier if he could just hate Finn, but that was impossible. They had too many good years behind them that, even without the children, Kurt would never regret marrying him.

He really missed the sex.

He and Finn had enjoyed a very active physical relationship and the sex had been phenomenal. Throughout their marriage, they had never gone more than three days without making love, even if it was just a quickie in the shower. Sex was the one thing they had always made time for, knowing how important it was in keeping each other close. They had few common interests and very different ideas about certain things, but sex had kept their bond strong and communicative.

All the things Finn couldn’t bring himself to say in the course of their marriage, whether it was out of embarrassment or fear of rejection, came out during sex. That was why Kurt knew that Finn had always been deeply in love with him. What Finn couldn’t manage with words, he managed with touches and eye contact and his cock.

Kurt knew Finn still wanted him, at least sexually. Whenever Finn showed up to visit the kids or taking them for an outing, Kurt felt his eyes on him. He knew Finn was looking at his mouth or his ass or his legs. It wasn’t one-sided either. Finn still took his breath away. He was still the most beautiful man Kurt had ever seen. The chemistry between them was a tangible thing that would probably never fade.

It was a powerful feeling, but it was also depressing. So many marriages he knew that ended in divorce had done so because the couples had stopped having sex, had stopped relating to each other as actual people rather than as co-parents or roommates. How had he and Finn let all of the intimacy they had in the bedroom just fall away outside of it?

“Hey,” he said softly when his phone rang.

“Hi, Kurty,” Finn said warmly.

Despite Kurt’s protestations, Finn had been unable to bring himself to stop using the nickname, one he had long ago purloined from Brittany. He knew when news of the divorce broke out amongst their friends, he would lose them all and Kurt would get full custody. Artie, Tina, Mercedes, and Brittany had always been Kurt’s friends, while only tolerating Finn.

Finn had Rachel, Quinn, Puck, Mike, Matt, and Mister Schue, all of whom, to varying degrees, also held a strong affection for Kurt. The end of sophomore year had seen Quinn’s total defection and, by senior year, Finn knew he had lost Puck and Mike to Kurt, and that was fine. He wasn’t friendly with Rachel during that time, obviously, and the affection she could never obtain from Kurt she had at last found in Blaine Anderson, a singing pygmy who had tried to get it on with Kurt only to be shot down epically, and in public.

It still made Finn hard whenever he thought about it. God, it had been beautiful.

It also filled Finn with tremendous regret. He and Kurt had been so happy their sophomore year, but then Finn had reverted to his true idiot colors and began sneaking around with Rachel.

Quinn was the first to find out and unleashed a nuclear holocaust. She immediately went to Kurt after first giving Finn the chance to come clean. When he refused to man up, she had kicked him the nuts, announcing he wasn’t using them anyway. She had then made a beeline to the Hummel house but, rather than finding Kurt, she first found Burt Hummel and his girlfriend, Carole Hudson. She didn’t hesitate to tell them of Finn’s perfidy.

It had busted up his mom and Burt. Finn still felt incredibly guilty for that, though he had never blamed Quinn. She had done the right thing in refusing to betray one friend for another. Hell, she had even given him the opportunity to make things right himself, but he had been too much of a coward. By the next year, Kurt’s dad was married to Quinn’s mom, Quinn had rechristened herself a Hummel, and all was right in their little blended family.

Finn knew his mom had never really gotten over that. She had never married again and, while she had many friends, he knew she was lonely. She had never blamed him, at least not to his face, insisting her relationship with Burt probably wouldn’t have worked out anyway.

And now, more than twenty years later, he had once again torpedoed his family.

“I just wanted to call and see how your interview went.”

Kurt raised a brow, wondering if Rachel had mentioned this morning’s ambush, before deciding it didn’t matter. “I got the job.”

“Hey, that’s great!” said an enthusiastic Finn. “When do you start?”

“Monday. Sometime later this week, you and I need to sit down and work out a schedule for the kids. I’m going to be on-call and I don’t want them left alone for extended periods of time.”

“Makes sense.”

Kurt waited. If Finn even _suggested_ Rachel minding the children, he would beat the man into a coma.

“So were you thinking about a nanny or a housekeeper or something?”

Kurt slowly exhaled in relief. “Probably a housekeeper. Ash and Chlo are too old for a nanny and would probably resent it if I even brought it up. I’d prefer someone older who has experience with children, but also knows how to handle teenagers. Some cooking and light cleaning also wouldn’t go amiss.”

“I want to pay half.”

“That’s not necessary,” Kurt immediately said.

“Yes, it is,” Finn said firmly. “They’re my children, too, Kurt. I can afford it, and I would like to have some say in who you hire.”

“I wouldn’t hire someone to look after our children without first consulting you,” Kurt said coldly.

“I know you wouldn’t,” Finn said softly, “and I wasn’t trying to imply otherwise. I just … I just want to be involved.”

“I overreacted,” Kurt admitted. “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize to me.”

“For that, yes, I did.”

Finn cleared his throat. “Do you have any ideas or leads?”

Kurt hesitated. “Well, I actually did have a thought, but I wasn’t sure how you would feel about it.”

“I’m listening.”

“I had lunch with Alicia today, and …”

“Oh, wow, really? How is she?”

Kurt smiled, knowing Finn had also loved the Florricks, although he was always closer to Peter, while Kurt and Alicia got on like siblings. “She’s managing. It’s hard, and she’s actually in a similar situation. Jackie watches the kids for her.”

“Jackie?” said a surprised Finn. “Wow. I mean, _wow_. I’m surprised Alicia agreed to that, considering …”

“ … considering Jackie is a constipated, condescending, entitled blueblood who has always treated Alicia more like a servant than Peter’s wife?”

“Well, yeah,” Finn said gamely.

“I know, but whatever their relationship, Jackie loves her grandchildren and has always doted on them.”

“I guess, but what does that have to do with our kids?”

Kurt paused. “I was thinking about asking Carole if she would like to move in.”

“What?” Finn gasped.

“Mom told me she ran into Carole the other day at the grocery.” Kurt paused. “She said Carole confided in her that she was thinking about putting her house on the market and retiring to the Villages, down in Florida.”

“She didn’t say anything to me about that,” Finn whispered.

“I don’t think she’s decided one way or the other,” Kurt said, “but it worries me, Finn. Our parents are getting older. I want them closer to us, and the kids, not further away. I hate to think about Carole halfway across the country without any family. I know she makes friends quickly, but it’s not the same.

“Carole is a wonderful woman who has always been kind and loving toward me. We have no issues with each other, and the kids miss her. We don’t get out to Lima much anymore and, these past few years, Mom and Dad always come here rather than us going to Ohio.”

“You would do that for her?”

“Of course I would, Finn. I love her and I know how much she loves the children. And, god forbid, if something should happen, I want her here with us, not in the humid hell that is arguably our great nation’s weirdest state.”

Finn chuckled. “I’d love it Mom were here.”

“And I want her to be close to your new baby,” Kurt whispered. “It’s important that she’s here for all of her grandchildren.”

Finn’s breath hitched.

“Don’t you dare cry,” Kurt said thickly. “Don’t you dare.”

“Kurty …”

“No, Finn. I will not do this with you. This offer is about our children and their grandmother, not you or me. There is no _us_ anymore.”

“But …”

“When are you going to sign the papers, Finn? Haven’t you put it off long enough? You’ve moved on with your life. You proposed to Rachel and are having a baby with her. What about me? What am I supposed to do? Sit alone in this house pining for you?”

“Are … are you seeing someone?”

“How dare you!” Kurt growled. “If I were, it’s none of your goddamned business, so don’t get self-righteous with me! But just to put an end to this now obnoxious conversation, _no_ , I’m not seeing anyone, nor do I expect to in the near future. I have four children and a new job. I don’t have time.”

“I’m sure Quinn and Santana can’t _wait_ to hook you up with some other dude,” Finn spat. “Hey, maybe they can track down Sam and you two can pick up where you left off!”

“Where we left off?” Kurt hissed. “If I remember correctly, _where we left off_ was me completely crushing Sam’s heart underneath my foot when I broke up with him to get back together with you!”

“Just admit you’re still in love with him!”

“Oh, for Christ’s sake, Finn, not this crap again! You haven’t brought it up in fifteen years, but now that you’ve moved out and taken up with the bitch you dumped me for back in high school, you want to trot out this big bag of bullshit?”

“No, Kurty, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean …”

“Don’t call me that!” Kurt thundered. “You humiliated me at the end of sophomore year! You didn’t even have the decency to tell me yourself. You let Quinn and our parents do it for you, and don’t even try that lame excuse that you didn’t know what to say. You _knew_ what to say, you just weren’t man enough to say it!

“You went off and spent your summer of love with that vegan harpy while I sat in my room and sobbed for three months, wondering what I had done, what I had said, to make you stop loving me.”

“I always loved you!” Finn insisted, tone pleading.

“But not enough to stay faithful to me. Not enough for your balls to drop low enough to tell me you were running around with the girl who tried to sabotage me in every single rehearsal. Not enough to say a single word to me until junior year started!”

“Yeah,” Finn seethed, “the year _he_ arrived.”

“You’re pathetic,” Kurt snapped. “This ridiculous grudge you’ve harbored against Sam for more than twenty years is the most pitiful thing I can imagine. I loved Sam, Finn. We were together for months and were nothing but happy. I loved him a lot, and he loved me. He loved me enough to let me go when you came sniffing back around after dumping Rachel.

“I know Sam thought I was crazy for taking you back. _Everyone_ did. Hell, even your own mother! But as much as I loved Sam, as happy as he made me, I loved you more. I chose _you_ , Finn. I married _you_. I had four children with _you._ _You’re_ the one who threw that all away, and now you have the _audacity_ to bring up Sam? A man who was nothing but good to me, who loved me so unselfishly, and loved me enough to let me go so that I could find my happiness with you? Grow the fuck up, Finn Hudson!”

“I’m sorry, Kurt,” Finn bleated. “I’m so sorry. I really am. I don’t know why I’m like this. I know Sam was innocent, that I’m the one who fucked up everything for you both times. I’m just … _god_ … I’m just _so sorry_.”

Kurt sneered. “You’re not sorry. You … you’re just _sad_. Sam was my heart, Finn, but you were my passion, the great love of my life. But that life is over now. Sign the papers and mail them off, because if you prolong this, I _will_ see you in court. And Santana will be sitting next to me.”

“Kurt …”

“Don’t you have wedding plans to make? Rachel isn’t getting any younger, Finn. Or thinner.”

He hung up and yelped when applause broke out. He winced and hesitantly turned around, shocked to find a very amused Chloé looking back at him.

“You’re home early,” he said stiffly.

“My last class was a free period, so I’m allowed to leave campus and come home. The twins are over at Ethan’s house, by the way. Mrs. McPherson is home.”

“Chloé …”

She grinned. “Save it, Daddy. That was awesome. Even more awesome than your showdown with the Mayor of Munchkin City this morning in the driveway.”

Kurt closed his eyes and groaned. “You saw that?”

“I sure did, and it was amazing. Why aren’t you like that more often?”

“Like what?” asked a sour Kurt. “A cruel bitch?”

“No,” Chloé said softly, “honest.”

Kurt frowned. “What do you mean?”

“Daddy, you were unhappy with Dad for a long time, way before Rachel. I … I kind of hate myself for not noticing it sooner. Asher and the twins did.”

Kurt sank back down on the couch and cradled his head in his hands. Chloé was soon at his side, resting her hand on his thigh.

“Why did you let it go on so long?” she asked desperately. “You knew he was with Rachel. Ash and I had suspicions. You’re a fighter, Daddy. You’ve fought for Dad and me and Ash and the twins with everything inside of you for years. Why don’t you ever fight for yourself?”

He said nothing.

“Don’t you know you’re just as important as we are?” she asked. She gripped his thigh hard when he went to shake his head. “Yes, you _are_. What were you going to do, Daddy? Were you really going to take Dad back if he decided to end things with Rachel?”

He sighed. “Honey, marriage is complicated. Rachel … at the end of the day, she just isn’t that important. Of course I would have taken your dad back. I want my family together.”

“Even at the expense of yourself?”

He looked at her. “When did you become a shrink?”

“When I found out my parents were divorcing. When I found out my dad, my idol, was cheating on my daddy and made another kid. When my older brother knocked up his girlfriend and is trying his best every day not to become another teenage statistic.”

“I’m so sorry,” said a defeated Kurt.

She shook her head in anger. “Why, Daddy? Why are _you_ sorry? Why hasn’t Dad apologized to us for breaking up our family? Why does he just expect us to get along with Rachel? Why does he act like nothing’s changed? Everything’s changed! And that’s not your fault.”

“Yes, it is,” he said, “at least partly.”

“Maybe,” she said reluctantly after a beat, “but for as long as I can remember, you’ve put yourself on the backburner. How was that fair to you? You put Dad through law school and he never even practiced. You put yourself through medical school, but you gave up medicine to raise us. I think you did a pretty amazing job, but why is it you who always comes in last? Do you really think we _like_ seeing that?”

He stared at her. “God, you remind me so much of me.”

She blinked. “Really?”

His lips quirked up and he nodded. “When I was your age, I was all about fashion and trends and gossip. Not because I was shallow, but because it was preferable to thinking about things more worthy of my attention. It was easier to care more about clothes than to deal with mourning for my mother or my deteriorating relationship with my father. The clothes became armor for me.”

She blushed and nodded.

“But soon enough,” he gently continued, “I became obsessed with the armor, more interested in keeping it polished than remembering why it was necessary. It was easier to focus on the outside rather than what was going on inside.”

“What do you mean?” she asked, voice trembling.

“I wasn’t the nicest person, Chloé, probably because I was so desperately unhappy. High school was not easy for me.” He paused. “Actually, Lima wasn’t easy, period. I was verbally harassed every day. At school, at home, whenever I went out. My locker, my car, my possessions; all were frequently vandalized. Notes were dropped into my bookbag, advising me to kill myself so I’d put everyone out of their misery. I was beaten. Often.”

Tears began slowly slipping down her cheeks and he gently reached up and wiped them away.

“Shh. It’s okay, baby. That was a long time ago, and I’m not the scared little boy I was then. Or the mean girl I eventually became. I was petty and spiteful, and could be very vindictive when the mood struck, which was often. By then, Aunt Tina and Uncle Artie had started dating, and so had Aunts Santana and Brittany. I mostly hung out with Aunt Mercedes, with whom I had a lot in common.

“Too much in common. We became codependent very quickly and brought out the worst traits in each other. Not on purpose, of course, but Lima was just as difficult for her. Hers was one of the few black families in town and, while she didn’t suffer the overt hostility I did, probably because it was far more politically incorrect, she still suffered. And we wanted to make other people suffer.

“Mercedes did that through gossip. You couldn’t break wind in that school without her finding out about it and telling everyone in a ten mile radius. There was nothing she didn’t know and she was more than happy to spread it around. It didn’t win her any respect, and certainly no friends, but she had found a way to insulate herself from some of the hate.”

“Through fear?” Chloé asked.

Kurt nodded. “My defense mechanism was even more hurtful. I was brutally honest, to a fault, about everyone and everything I encountered. Now, don’t get me wrong, honesty is a good thing and a trait that should be nurtured, but I took it too far.”

He eyed her. “You know what I mean. You know what it is to be the brightest and most sophisticated person in the room. You know how to choose your words wisely and for maximum impact. You know that the truth is far more effective a weapon than any lie or omission.”

She bit her lip and nodded.

“Luckily, Aunt Brittany saw what I was doing to myself and intervened. She went to Aunt Santana and explained my actions in ways I couldn’t yet understand. The next thing I knew, I had sidelined Mercedes, who deeply resented it and me, and was spending more and more time with Brittany and Santana.”

“Aunt Santana is the biggest bitch I know,” Chloé argued.

“That’s true,” he acknowledged, “and she was also, like me, unabashedly honest. We learned to temper each other and, those times in which we went too far, Brittany was there to pull us back. My life got a lot better. I became the cheerleading captain, made friends with Aunt Quinn, and met your dad.”

“Who left you for another woman.”

Wait. Had Daddy just said he had been the cheerleading _captain?_

“More than twenty years later, Chloé. I could be a petulant, whiny little snot and bitch about that, but then I make the end of my marriage about Rachel Berry. I would much rather celebrate having twenty years with a man I adored and our four wonderful children.”

He smiled. “Sometimes it’s really all about the spin, honey. Life isn’t just action and reaction. It’s about taking a breath, taking a moment, and deciding what you want your life to be. I want mine to be happy. And, with a few bumps along the road, it mostly has been. You’re a huge part of that.”

She looked down.

He reached out and chucked her chin with his hand. “Did I ever tell you why I chose you?”

“I … I thought Dad chose me because you chose Asher.”

Kurt smiled and shook his head. “No, baby. I chose all of you, and Dad was happy for me to do it, because he knew I was a better judge of character than he was.”

“Rachel,” they both said, before breaking into laughter.

“Why did you choose me?” she then whispered.

“Because you reminded me of myself.” He pulled her to feet and guided her toward the mirror in the foyer, placing their heads next to each other. “What do you see?”

“Blotchy skin. Tears are gross.”

He snickered. “I see a beautiful young woman with my eyes, my cheekbones, and my lustrous hair. Of course, you’re a blond, but so was I until I was ten.”

“Really?”

He nodded. “I see a girl with perfect skin and a mind so sharp it cuts everyone to ribbons. I see a girl with a smart mouth and a kind heart, who doesn’t suffer fools gladly, if at all. I see a girl with so much talent it gives me palpitations. I’ve heard you sing, honey.”

She averted her eyes.

He stepped behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, resting his head on her shoulder. “But I didn’t choose you just because you looked like me, although that was a perk. I never told your father, but I always wanted to have natural children. I thought about surrogacy for a long time, but I felt it was more important to give a home to children who didn’t have one.”

She had never thought about it in those terms, what her life might have been had her fathers not adopted her. The very idea frightened the hell out of her. Who would she be without them?

“I know you’ve always believed I preferred Asher over you,” Kurt said quietly, “but that was never true.”

She couldn’t meet his eyes in their reflection.

He offered a gentle sigh. “When we first got Asher, your dad was terrified. He had always wanted children, but he really knew nothing about them. I didn’t either, but a baby has needs that must be met. So, with a lot of calls to your grandparents, I picked up the slack those first months. Back then, there was no such thing as paternity leave, so your father had to go to work all day, every day. Asher became totally dependent on me.”

He paused. “When Finn had begun to conquer his fear and jumped in with both barrels, well, it wasn’t easy. Asher knew and loved him, but he was much more familiar with me. Every time Finn would pick him up, Asher would scream and carry on. Rather than sticking it out, Finn would always pass the baby to me.”

Chloé had no idea what to say. She had never known any of this.

“Your dad never said anything to me about this,” Kurt continued, “but I always felt he resented me for being so close to Asher. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. I don’t believe Finn actually _blamed_ me, but he was very upset by the situation. And the truth is, despite his best efforts, Finn never grew close to Asher like I did. That hurt him a great deal.”

“And then you got me?”

Kurt smiled and nodded. “We started the process again and I was so fortunate to come across you. As I said before, what initially drew me was our physical similarities. I thought Finn would be angry about that, but he loved you all the more because, when he looked at you, he saw me.”

She ducked her head bashfully.

“By then, Finn was fully invested in being a parent and I think part of him was anxious to start over. He had accepted, though I disagreed, that Asher preferred me to him and always would.” He looked away. “That was something I kept in the back of my mind, perhaps to the detriment of my relationship with you.”

He cleared his throat. “When we first brought you home, I was your primary caregiver for the first six months, but you had an irregular sleep schedule that I could never break. You would sleep all day while Asher was running around, and then were awake all night. No matter what I did, I couldn’t get you off that cycle. I think it was then I realized just how stubborn you would be.”

She rolled her eyes. “Oh, _Daddy_.”

He laughed and kissed her cheek. “You and Asher never slept at the same time and I was constantly exhausted. Asher was two then, and had a severe case of the Terrible Twos. And Threes, for that matter. By the time your dad got home, you were just getting up, Asher was starting to wind down, and I was ready to collapse. So Finn took over your care and stayed up all night with you, even though he had to go to work in the morning.”

Kurt smiled. “He would sing to you and coo at you and tickle you. Oh, how you would laugh. It was the most beautiful sound in the world, and Finn was very proud to have elicited that response.” He paused. “Asher was horribly jealous of you, so his attachment to me increased tenfold. As hard as Finn tried with Asher, it just never worked well, and Asher resented the effort Finn made with you.

“It wasn’t anyone’s fault. It was just the way it was. Eventually, it was almost as if the house had divided into teams: me and Asher against you and Dad.” He shook his head. “It never should have been like that, and I should have done more to put an end to it, but we were just so tired, honey, and your dad and I were going through a rough patch.”

Her eyes widened. “Not … not like Rachel, though, right?”

“No. That has only ever happened in this instance.” He sighed. “We wanted children so badly, Chloé, but we weren’t prepared for them. We told ourselves we were. Others told us we were. It felt like we should make that next step, but we just weren’t ready. Of course, as I later found out and told Asher, if everyone waited until they were ready for children, humanity would’ve died out a long time ago.”

He released her and moved in front of her, leaning against the wall. “The truth of the matter is that Finn was jealous of the time I had with you while he had to work. I was still angry because Finn had refused to begin the adoption process until I agreed to stay home.”

Her eyes narrowed. “But … but I thought that was a decision you made.”

“It was,” he insisted, “though it wasn’t my idea.” He set his jaw and looked away. “Finn insisted that, if we were to do this, our children would have one parent with them at all times. He and I both came from single-parent households. We knew how hard it was on your Grandpa and Grandma. We wanted better for our own kids.”

He pursed his lips. “He made it very clear the stay-at-home parent would not be him. He had just started at the network and was being moved up the ladder fairly quickly. If he took time off, it wasn’t as though he could just pick it all up again when it was more convenient.”

“That’s not fair,” she said quietly.

“No,” he agreed, “but life isn’t fair, and that’s the end of it. I was furious, but after I calmed down and thought about things, I realized having children was more important to me than practicing medicine. Still, I couldn't help but resent him for forcing my hand.”

He held up a hand. “Don’t misunderstand me: I love medicine. I excel at it and I’m a damn fine doctor, but I had always wanted to be a father. Until that point, I had spent the majority of my life working toward medical school. Then it was graduation, residency, my specialization, and boards. I had been practicing only a few years, but I knew that I was only going to get busier. I had to make a decision then and, while I’ve missed medicine, I’ve never regretted the choice I made.”

She shook her head. “I don’t understand that. You’re a _doctor_ , Daddy. A neurologist. That’s so _important_. How could you just give it all up to care for four brats who do their best to run you ragged?”

He shrugged a shoulder. “Becoming a doctor was a professional goal, honey, but being a good father has been the entire purpose of my life. I would much rather be a happy father and a doctor who doesn’t practice, than a childless neurologist in high demand.”

She put her hands on her hips and glared. “So how come in that therapist’s office, Dad gave you that load of crap about how you had changed, talking about how you were going to be a doctor, as if that were the beginning and end of all things?”

“Because he was embarrassed by his own behavior and grasping at straws to shift the blame. It’s something he’s always done. He was insecure about going to law school, humiliated that I paid for it, and felt terribly guilty for abandoning it before he had ever tried a case.”

He shook his head. “I think he felt pushed into it. Whether it was his idea or he got it from someone or somewhere else, I don’t know. He did well enough in school, but he wasn’t an academic superstar. He was never jealous that I was. If anything, he was very, very proud of me, but …”

“He felt inferior to you.”

“Honey, believe me, your father deeply regrets how this has played out. That doesn’t do anything to alleviate what’s happened, but you don’t know him the way I do. I think … I think your father unconsciously sabotaged himself.”

Her brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”

He looked askance at her. “I’m only telling you this because I know you can handle it better than Asher. He’s too angry right now to admit your dad is a good person who made some wrong choices, but you’re a little more objective.”

He ran his tongue across his lips. “When I learned your father was having an affair, I wasn’t too surprised. I think things had been heading in that direction for a while, but I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to rock the boat. If it wasn't true, I didn't want to open my mouth on the chance that I might instigate something about which Finn had only been thinking. That _is_ my fault. If I had just _talked_ to him rather than sticking my head in the sand, things might be very different now.

“But I didn’t, and now we all have to live with that. Regardless, I could’ve forgiven an affair. After all, I’d forgiven him before, back when we were in high school.” He paused. “But the fact that it was with _Rachel_ , someone he knew I loathed, someone who had _plotted_ to take him from me before? Well, I’d like to think I would have forgiven him, but the truth is that I just don’t know. He picked the one person he knew would hurt me the most. Hell, I would’ve been less upset if he’d chosen Aunt Quinn.”

She couldn’t even contemplate that and shook her head to clear it. “What is Rachel’s deal anyway?”

“I honestly have no clue,” Kurt said, sighing. “Ever since we were small children, she’s been in competition with me. I never realized it because she wasn’t even a blip on my radar. If you were to ask her, she’d tell you we've been rivals since elementary school, but I didn’t even know who she was until freshman year.

“We were both in dance, at the same school but not in the same class. I was better than her, so I was in advanced ballet and modern jazz. We both received professional voice training, but had different teachers. We were both driven students, but school came very easy to me. I never really had to study because I have an eidetic memory.

“Once we matriculated McKinley and became members of the glee club, that’s when it really started. For the next four years, we fought constantly over solos. Admittedly, Rachel has a terrific voice. She’s got a lot of power and control, and can mix her registers almost seamlessly. That said, her voice is only well suited to certain genres, whereas I can sing anything and in almost every part.

“My range is superior to hers, and I could always hit notes, both high and low, of which she simply wasn’t capable. She hated me for that, but she did respect my talent, just as I respected hers. She undercut me whenever possible, but she respected me in a very weird way. Our coach preferred her voice to mine, but I had the respect of everyone else in the club, almost all of whom hated Rachel for the way she treated them. She spent a lot of time and effort trying to best me, and she finally found a way.”

“Through Dad.”

Kurt nodded. “I don’t want to go too deeply into that because it’s still very painful for me. In fact, it hurt worse then than it does now. I don’t know precisely why, but it does. I guess I just thought your dad had learned from his mistakes.”

“How can you not hate her?” Chloé seethed.

He stared into his daughter’s eyes. “Hate is an extremely powerful emotion, sweetheart. It will take over your life if you let it. I refuse to let anyone, especially  _Rachel Berry_ , have that much power over me. She _wants_ me to hate her. If I do, then she has access to my life. She either gets to try to dim the hatred or inflame it even more.

“There’s an old saying: there’s a thin line between love and hate, and it’s true. That line can sometimes be so thin that you’re not exactly sure which you’re feeling at any given time. Not so for me. I know _exactly_ what I feel for Rachel Berry, and that’s indifference. You see, honey, indifference, not hate, is the true of opposing force of love. You saw Rachel this morning, how desperately she tried to bait me and how nuts she went when it didn’t work. I know how she operates and I know how to handle her.”

Chloé smirked.

Kurt rolled his eyes. “I have no plans to do anything to her. She’ll eventually hang herself without me having to lift a finger, and that’s so much more satisfying.”

His daughter raised a brow and he returned her smirk.

“Sooner or later, your father is going to remember all of the reasons he dumped Rachel the first time, only I’m not going to be around to catch him when he falls. Whether Rachel bamboozled him or Finn walked into this with eyes wide open, there’s now a baby involved. That baby must come first and they’re both going to have to deal with that. I wish them all the luck in the world.”

Chloé stared at him long and hard for several moments, before finally sighing and throwing up her hands. “I can’t tell if you’re the most mature person on the face of the earth, or if you’re simply the most Machiavellian!”

Kurt tilted his head. “Why does there have to be a difference?”


End file.
